


alone together (we can stay young forever)

by silver_etoile



Category: SKAM (Netherlands), WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bi!Jens, Crossover, M/M, van der stoffels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:34:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 16
Words: 26,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21792313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silver_etoile/pseuds/silver_etoile
Summary: “Don’t look now, but there’s a cute guy checking you out across the cafe."Lucas caught deep brown eyes darting away, back to the two guys he was sitting with.A chance meeting in a cafe with a cute boy from Belgium is only the first step in Lucas discovering what it is he truly wants.
Relationships: Jens Stoffels/Lucas van der Heijden
Comments: 79
Kudos: 813





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Captain of this ship, apparently. Find me on [tumblr.](http://azozzoni.tumblr.com)

“Okay, but he’s cute,” Ralph said, shoving his phone under Lucas’ nose, across the tiny cafe table.

Lucas shook his head at the guy on the Grindr profile. He’d tried Grindr. It hadn’t really worked out for him, although it had successfully outed him to Ralph, who at least had the good sense to help him keep the secret. Lucas just wasn’t sure how ready he was to let the whole world know--or specifically Kes and Jayden.

Keeping the secret apparently meant helping Lucas find someone to hook up with, though Lucas was pretty sure none of the guys on Grindr were his style.

“I’m not going to meet up with a guy who has a picture of his dick online,” he said, giving the phone back to Ralph, who rolled his eyes. He stopped, though, squinting at something behind Lucas.

“Don’t look now,” Ralph said, a bright expression taking over his face, “but there’s a cute guy checking you out across the cafe. No dick pics in sight.”

The cafe was full enough that Lucas wasn’t entirely sure who it was as he tried to glance over his shoulder without being obvious. He caught deep brown eyes darting away, back to the two guys he was sitting with.

“It’s perfect,” Ralph said when Lucas turned back. “A cafe meet-cute.”

“I don’t--” Lucas said, hesitating, feeling suddenly nervous. For all the guys he’d talked to on Grindr, he’d never met up with any of them, had never quite worked up the courage to talk to them in real life.

Ralph reached for his arm, reassuring. “You can do this. It’s just talking to a cute guy. That’s all.”

That was all, Lucas thought sarcastically. It sounded so simple when Ralph said it. But Ralph wasn’t afraid to go up to anyone, to tell them they were cute and ask if they wanted to get a drink.

“Is he still looking?” Lucas asked after a second and Ralph grinned as he nodded. “I don’t know how to do this.”

Taking his hand back, Ralph seemed to laugh, as though Lucas was so hopeless. And maybe he was. Maybe there was no way Lucas should be trying to talk to guys. Why did everything have to be so hard?

“It’s easy. You wait until he’s watching, then you get up and go to the counter. Pretend you’re thinking what to get. If he’s interested, he’ll come to you.”

It sounded simple, too simple, but who was Lucas to question Ralph’s logic? Ralph had been doing this a lot longer than he had.

“Go now,” Ralph whispered a second later, furtive, and Lucas was out of his chair before he could even rethink this stupid plan or why he was going along with it.

At the counter, Lucas stood back, staring hard at the menu scrawled along the back wall. He knew everything on it, had come here a million times. Shoving his hands in his coat pockets, he didn’t dare look back at the table with the three guys.

Ralph’s plan was ridiculous, he found himself thinking as he stood there, frowning at the list of coffees. What was he even doing? He wasn’t supposed to do things like this.

“Any recommendations?” 

A voice in his ear made Lucas jump, and it took a second for his brain to process the words, a different accent than he was used to. Flemish, his brain came up with. Belgian.

Up close, the guy had razor sharp cheekbones, soft, wavy hair, and he stood a few inches taller than Lucas.

“Everything’s good here,” he said finally, stopping his eyes from traveling down the guy’s chest. Ralph hadn’t told him what to do once the guy had come over. _Flirt!_ his brain said as Lucas chewed on his bottom lip, fingers closing over the joint he kept in his pocket, turning it over nervously.

“I bet it is,” the guy said, and Lucas had to glance over, had to smile at the way the guy was watching him, as if waiting for him to react to that.

“You’re not from here,” Lucas said finally, and the guy shrugged.

“My friends wanted to go somewhere for the weekend and we’re pretty broke, so Utrecht it is.”

Lucas glanced over his shoulder, but the two guys still at the table didn’t seem to be paying them any attention, fingers entwined and grinning into kisses between murmured words.

“Yeah, they’re sickening,” the guy said when Lucas looked back to him, but he was smiling, amused.

“Then why’d you tag along?” Lucas asked. He knew exactly what being the third wheel was like and how much it sucked.

The guy sighed. “On a quest for good weed?” He met Lucas’ eyes, something suggestive there. “You wouldn’t happen to know where I could get some?”

Lucas’ fingers closed around the joint in his pocket. He could practically hear Ralph yelling in his head—“It’s a line, Luc! Say yes and invite him somewhere quiet!”

Taking a breath, Lucas reminded himself that he could do this. Just talking to a cute guy, feeling the weird butterflies when the guy smiled at him.

“I might be willing to share,” he said at length, pulling the joint out of his pocket. “If you’re interested.”

The guy’s smile widened and he nodded. “Now?”

“What about your friends?” Lucas asked, though he didn’t care about them. The guy checked over his shoulder at the boys wrapped up in each other, exchanging soft kisses that made Lucas’ heart ache just a little and he had to look away.

“I don’t think they’ll miss me,” the guy said after a second. “I’m Jens, by the way.”

“Lucas,” he said, nervous as he turned toward the front door, and he ignored the way Ralph shot him an excited look as they passed by.

The park was only a few blocks down, under pools of yellow street lamps, the gate long-broken as Lucas slipped inside and Jens followed.

Perching on the back of an old bench, Lucas lit the joint, passing it over to Jens.

“So who was your friend?” Jens asked when Lucas wished he was better at this. “The bleached blond?”

“That’s just Ralph,” Lucas replied, dragging his finger through a string of dew on the bench. “He’s my friend’s roommate.”

_He’s the only one who knows,_ he wanted to say, but didn’t.

Jens smiled to himself, as though it was some inside joke. “It seems bleach-blond is the thing these days.”

“I don’t think it’d work on me,” Lucas admitted, taking a long drag, smoke settling in his lungs and he exhaled slowly.

“I think you look good like this,” Jens said, and Lucas glanced over at him, the way Jens bit his lip as he grinned, like he knew exactly what he was doing.

Lucas was the one who didn’t know what he was doing. It had always been easy with girls, with no real stakes, no real danger of feeling anything when they kissed, no underlying fear that it was going to mean something else.

Jens’ knee pressed to Lucas’ as they sat on the bench, not insistent, almost accidentally. It should have made Lucas nervous, and it did, but it also felt totally normal, as if he didn’t need to overthink it.

“I like the earring,” he said as Jens took back the joint, fingers brushing against his. “It’s very…”

“Sexy?” Jens asked with a winning smile that Lucas laughed at.

“Maybe,” he said, shaking his head. It wasn’t as hard as he’d thought, sitting here with Jens, no weird pressure to do anything other than talk. Maybe Ralph had been right. Just talking to a cute guy.

The joint was burning down in his fingers and Lucas took another drag, blowing the smoke into the chill night air. His cheeks were red from the cold, but he didn’t suggest going somewhere else, somewhere inside.

“You don’t have any,” Jens said, looking him over, and Lucas shook his head.

“My mom would freak out,” he said, “and I just never wanted to.”

The pressure from Jens’ knee increased as he shifted on the bench, taking what was left of the joint from Lucas. They were closer than before, Jens’ jacket brushing against his, and Lucas didn’t say anything for a moment as they sat there.

If Jens was a girl, Lucas probably would have kissed him by now, would not have cared at all that their knees were touching, that he could feel the warmth of Jens’ body against his, hear his sigh as he exhaled the smoke.

“How long are you in town?” he asked, watching Jens scan the dark park. He glanced at Lucas finally.

“We go back tomorrow,” he said, offering Lucas the last bit of the joint, but Lucas shook his head. Jens dropped it on the ground instead where it sizzled out on the dew-covered pavement. “Anything I should do before we go?”

This was his opening, Lucas thought as he glanced at Jens, and he smiled despite the way his stomach turned over nervously. He should just do it, fuck all the reasons why not. He probably wouldn’t see Jens again and what exactly did he have to lose?

“I can think of one thing,” he said, a lot more confidently than he felt as he leaned in, keeping an eye on Jens in case he moved away, but he didn’t, mouth curling in a smile a second before their lips met.

It was different than kissing girls, not the actual mechanics, but no other girl had made him feel quite like this, like this was how it was supposed to be. It wasn’t even anything spectacular, Jens opening his mouth slightly, soft, full lips against his, tasting of weed and coffee. Jens’ fingers were warm as they came up to Lucas’ neck, not like Lucas’ freezing cold digits that he kept stuffed in his pockets.

Lucas was pretty sure he could go on kissing Jens as long as they let him, exploring each other’s mouths in a slow, lazy kind of way that didn’t seem to be going anywhere else.

The ping of a phone pierced the quiet around them, and Lucas swallowed as Jens pulled back, digging his phone from his pocket.

“It’s the guys,” he said, reading a message on the screen. “They’re wondering where I am.” He looked back to Lucas, smiling slightly as he let his other hand fall from his neck. “I should probably get back and make sure they haven’t done anything stupid.”

Lucas nodded without a word, sliding off the bench. He didn’t need to think too hard about this, about his first real kiss with a guy. It wasn’t that big of a deal, he told himself, waiting for Jens to join him.

“You on Instagram?” Jens asked as they headed back toward the cafe, and Lucas looked up.

“Of course.”

“Maybe I’ll find you, if that’s okay.”

He couldn’t help smiling as they reached the door. Through the window, Lucas saw that Ralph was long gone, their table occupied by someone else.

“It’s okay.”

Jens nodded, reaching for the door. Lucas didn’t stop him from leaving, stepping into the warmth of the cafe and leaving him outside in the cold. For a moment, he just watched Jens approach his friends, who seemed to reprimand him for disappearing.

Turning from the cafe, Lucas let out a breath, heading down the street instead. He didn’t stop his smile, though, as he pulled out his phone and texted a thumbs up emoji to Ralph before tucking it away. Maybe it wasn’t so hard. Maybe he could do this.

It was that thought that kept him smiling all the way home, only stopping once to check a notification from Instagram. He had one new follower.


	2. Chapter 2

_The boys want to go to a concert in Amsterdam this weekend._

Lucas stared at the message, chewing on his bottom lip. There was nothing inherently bad about it, nothing exactly implied. Nothing to indicate exactly what Lucas was thinking right now as he reread Jens’ words.

Coming to Amsterdam, not that far away, close enough to hop on a train or a bus and go there for the evening.

“There he is, staring at his phone again.”

Lucas jerked his head up at Jayden’s voice behind him. Shoving his phone away, he turned to Jayden and Kes as they approached him.

“If you’re not careful, we might think there was someone special,” Kes said, and even though he smiled as if it was a joke, there was something akin to concern in the way he watched Lucas.

“It’s nothing,” Lucas said easily, shaking his head, shaking off the feeling of guilt when Kes didn’t look away. “Just a friend.”

“You have friends other than us?” Jayden asked, doubtful. “Since when?”

Rolling his eyes, Lucas ignored him. “You guys want to go to Amsterdam this weekend?” he asked instead, clutching the phone in his pocket as it vibrated with another notification.

Kes frowned slightly, as though the question was strange. It wasn’t that strange, Lucas didn’t think.

“I’m still grounded from the party last weekend,” he said finally. “Remember my dad caught me sneaking back in at two AM?”

“Oh, yeah,” Lucas agreed, feeling the swoop in his stomach. He’d made up a stupid excuse last weekend as to why Kes couldn’t stay over--he’d said it was his mom, in one of her moods where everyone was a target, but the truth was, he hadn’t wanted to wake up to Kes in his bed.

“Why go to Amsterdam when there are hot girls right here,” Jayden said, eyes following a group of girls across the courtyard. “I heard Olivia is throwing a party.”

Lucas had no interest in a party at Olivia’s, a party where he would surely be forced to pretend he wanted to hook up with some random girl, forced to listen to Jayden drooling over girls he would never get, watch Kes actually hook up with someone.

Lucas couldn’t help himself when he pulled out his phone, checking the DMs on Instagram, the one new from Jens.

_Sander wants to go to a gay bar after. Any recommendations? ;)_

There it was, the clear invitation, and Lucas felt himself smiling. It had been a few weeks since he’d met Jens in that cafe, kissed him on the dewy bench in the starlight. Since then, it had been a few messages, liking each other’s posts on Instagram, almost flirting, but Lucas still had no idea what he was doing, what he was supposed to do. And Ralph had been no help, only saying that if he wanted something with a guy, he had to be as blunt as possible.

“There he goes again,” Jayden said, reaching for the phone, but Lucas jerked it out of his reach, a sudden shot of panic racing through him. “Who the fuck are you messaging?”

“It’s just Isa,” he lied, locking his phone. “She sent a meme. That’s all.” He looked away from Kes’ gaze, eyebrows furrowed as though trying to figure something out. “If you’re gonna try to hook up with Olivia, I think she’s well out of your league.”

“Fuck you,” Jayden scoffed, but he was sufficiently distracted, and Lucas let out a breath as Jayden went on to name all the girls who would die to sleep with him.

Kes wasn’t so easily distracted, and he continued to watch Lucas for a while after that, but for once, Lucas wasn’t thinking about Kes. Instead, he was busy planning a trek to Amsterdam.

*

Lucas kind of wished Ralph was there as he stepped inside the bar, the rainbow flags hanging on the walls, colored lights flashing over what might have been a dance floor, but people were mostly standing around in groups, drinking and laughing over the loud music. It would have been nice to have someone to tell him things were going to be fine. That he hadn’t taken a bus all the way up here to meet a guy he barely knew for… Lucas didn’t even know exactly why he was there.

He saw Jens first, couldn’t miss him at the bar with the same two guys from last time--the tiny one with brown hair and the guy with bleach-blond hair. There was another guy he didn’t recognize laughing with Jens as Lucas took a breath and stepped forward.

He could do this. He could totally do this. After all, he’d been talking with Jens for a month now, sending stupid memes back and forth, complaining about school, making slightly suggestive jokes that would have made him cringe to say out loud.

Jens’ face lit up as he caught sight of Lucas, and Lucas felt his stomach swoop, like he’d missed a stair.

“Hey, you came,” he said, and Lucas wondered if Jens had thought maybe he wouldn’t.

“Nothing better to do.” He shrugged, biting back his smile as Jens laughed. This wasn’t so hard. He could do this.

“Glad I rank so high,” Jens said, turning to his friends. “Guys, this is Lucas, from Utrecht.”

There was a flash of recognition on the tiny brunet’s face, and Lucas wondered what Jens had told them. Probably more than he’d told his friends, which was nothing.

“This is Robbe, Sander, and Aaron,” Jens introduced him, nodding at each guy in turn.

Aaron, the one with curly hair, reached for Lucas’ hand, oddly formal. “I’m not gay but I support it,” he said firmly, and Lucas raised an eyebrow.

Luckily, Jens cuffed Aaron on his shoulder. “Don’t be an idiot.” He glanced at Lucas. “You want a drink?”

“Sure,” Lucas agreed, watching Sander whisper something into Robbe’s ear. Robbe seemed to blush, but he nodded.

“We’re going to grab a table,” Robbe said, tugging Sander with him. 

“In the back,” Sander added, half a shout as Robbe pulled him away. “In a very dark corner!”

Jens merely rolled his eyes, turning to the bartender and ordering a couple drinks. Aaron lingered awkwardly until Jens shot him a look.

“I’m gonna…” He gestured vaguely with his hand before stepping away and leaving them alone. Lucas wasn’t sure what any of that meant, but it was easier with just him and Jens, clinking bottles before they drank.

“You didn’t bring any of your friends?” Jens asked, not glancing around as if to find any.

“No,” Lucas said after a minute. “They don’t really…” _know he’s into guys?_ He wasn’t sure how to finish that thought and sighed.

“You’re not out,” Jens said slowly, and Lucas swallowed, shaking his head.

“It’s not that I think Kes is going to care, not really. I just don’t want things to change.”

He didn’t know how to explain it, the fear he felt at telling the guys. Deep down, he was pretty sure Kes wouldn’t care at all, would probably hug Lucas and insist they all go out to a gay club or something. That was what worried him, that suddenly he would be _gay_. As if he wasn’t already. He knew it made no sense.

Jens was quiet for a moment, watching Lucas. “Things did change when Robbe came out,” he said finally, glancing through the crowd to where Robbe and Sander were making out in a corner. “But it was a good change. It was like he could breathe again, like we all could.”

“And what about you?” Lucas asked, wishing they could talk about something else other than coming out and whether or not it would help things.

Jens shrugged, smiling at Lucas. “I got drunk and kissed a guy at a party, so it wasn’t so much a coming out as everyone just sort of shrugged and went on drinking.”

Lucas wished it could be that easy.

Jens glanced at him, nudging his shoulder. “If you want, I could go to a party with you, crowd you into a corner and see what happens.”

Lucas laughed despite himself. “I think I know what would happen.”

“Do you?” Jens asked, eyebrows rising. His fingers brushed against Lucas’ as he reached for his beer.

Lucas had thought about the kiss they’d shared last time, had thought about it late at night, lying in bed and staring at the dark ceiling, had wondered what might have happened if they hadn’t been interrupted. Not that he was ready for anything other than kissing yet, but he had definitely thought about Jens’ mouth late at night.

“How about I do it right here?” Jens asked, and Lucas felt the blush spreading over his cheeks, down his neck, torn between excited and nervous. “As a test run.”

It was so bold that Lucas laughed, glancing around, but no one there cared. No one in that entire bar would care if he leaned in right now and kissed Jens. Half the people in there were doing that. Robbe was practically in Sander’s lap across the room, giggling as Sander pressed kisses to his neck.

That was why he’d come here, he realized as they leaned against the bar, some electric pop song throbbing through the speakers. This was what he’d wanted to happen as Jens nodded away from the bar, into the crowd, and Lucas followed without a word.

With Jens’ arms around his shoulders, they swayed to the music, not really dancing, and Lucas could only think of the slide of Jens’ hand down his shoulder to his waist. It was so different than with Kes, a different kind of tingle on his skin, a different kind of clench in his stomach because this could actually happen. This was Jens’ mouth so close to his, lips soft and parted, dark eyes sweeping up Lucas’ face, mouth curling into a smile as though he knew what Lucas was thinking.

“Would this happen?” Jens asked as their hips moved together, his hand on the small of Lucas’ back, warm and reassuring.

“Probably not,” Lucas admitted, whispered the words, distracted by the proximity of Jens’ mouth, and somehow he wasn’t surprised when their lips met.

Jens was a good kisser, and Lucas didn’t let himself wonder how many people Jens had done this with. It didn’t matter, not really, not when it was Jens’ tongue sliding in his mouth, teeth closing on his bottom lip, hot and heavy and urgent in a way Lucas had never felt with any of the girls he’d been with.

Sliding his hands through Jens’ soft hair, he sighed against him, chasing his tongue, body growing warm under Jens’ hands on his waist. It didn’t matter that there were people around--none of them gave a single fuck about Lucas and who he was kissing, and it felt amazing.

Jens’ lips were red when they finally parted, and he let out a breath as he smiled at Lucas. “Would that happen?”

“Definitely not,” Lucas said, but he couldn’t help smiling as he leaned back into Jens, wanting more, not ready to let go of this moment.

Jens kissed him back, slid his hands to Lucas’ shoulder blades, one coming to grip the back of his neck.

It wasn’t as if they were dating, as if they were together or anything, but Lucas didn’t care about that. He just cared about how good this felt, how easy it was to kiss Jens in the middle of a dance floor and not care about what anyone thought.

“You could make it happen,” Jens suggested when they pulled away to breathe, his fingers stroking over the flush on Lucas’ cheek.

Lucas shook his head. “Not yet.”

Jens nodded slowly, and Lucas sighed, relaxing with his hands around Jens’ shoulders.

“If you change your mind,” Jens said after a minute. “I’m totally down to come crash any party and make out with you.”

Lucas met Jens’ gaze, smiling after a second. This was the closest they’d gotten to actually talking about what was going on here. Maybe they were just friends who made out when they met up, or maybe it was something else, something Lucas hadn’t discovered quite yet. For whatever reason, he wasn’t too concerned about what they were.

“Yeah?” he asked finally, and Jens shrugged.

“You’re a good kisser.”

Laughing, Lucas shook his head. He didn’t need to know what they were doing or if this was going anywhere. He was pretty sure it was going somewhere.

“I’ll let you know,” he said, not entirely joking, and Jens seemed to understand as he nodded.

“We should make out some more,” he said after a minute, hands coming to Lucas’ face, and Lucas smiled.

“Okay,” he agreed, the words murmured against Jens’ lips as he moved in. He let his hands slide into Jens’ hair as Jens licked into his mouth and they stayed on the dance floor, bodies blending into the colored lights and fading into the background.


	3. Chapter 3

Sighing at his books, Lucas groaned softly and let his head fall down on the desk. There was no way he was going to finish this essay tonight. Besides, he told himself as he huffed at the floor, the cool wood pressing into his forehead, he had all Sunday to work on it.

He should have been out, he thought, forlorn, raising his head and reaching for his phone. Out with the boys, at some stupid party, getting high in the bathroom, trying to pretend he cared about which girl was most likely to sleep with him.

Scrolling through Instagram, Lucas frowned at the pictures, watching stories of Kes doing a shot off some girl’s stomach, Jayden drunkenly hitting on Olivia and getting blown off. He should have been there, but he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to be. He’d made an excuse when Kes had asked him, said he had homework to do. He wasn’t sure Kes had bought that, but he did have homework.

A notification popped up at the top of his screen as Lucas frowned at the picture Isa had posted, of her and Engel and several bottles of tequila. Jens’ name on the message made him smile, though, clicking on the message.

They’d moved on from Instagram DMs to text messages since the last time Lucas had seen Jens, made out with him at some gay bar until his lips were sore and he had to catch the last train home before his mom realized he was gone.

Lucas stared at the photo that came up when he opened the text. A bare stomach, shirt bunched up near the lens, and a hand sliding underneath jeans, a dark trail of hair vanishing into the darkness. For a second, Lucas sat on his desk chair, not sure what he was supposed to do.

_Did you mean to send that?_ he wrote finally, unable to stop scrolling back up to the photo, gaze lingering on Jens’ abs, the shitty lighting that highlighted just enough to make Lucas take a breath and stop his mind from wandering too far.

_Like it?_ was Jens’ reply a second later and Lucas laughed once, biting his lip as he paused.

No one had ever sent him anything like this, or at least no one he knew. He’d gotten plenty of anonymous pictures during that brief Grindr period, but they’d had no effect on him, not like this picture.

_Where are you?_ he asked instead of answering, pushing off the desk chair and climbing onto his bed instead.

_Some party. It’s a boring as fuck, and there’s no one hot here._

_Poor thing_ , Lucas wrote back, smiling to himself as he settled against the headboard.

_If you were here, you could be in this room with me._

Lucas was glad Jens wasn’t there to see the heat blooming in his cheeks, and he glanced at the door as if his mom might be about to walk in, but it was late. She’d probably already gone to bed.

He’d never done this, whatever _this_ was, hesitating before he typed in his reply.

_What are you doing in there?_

Jens’ reply didn’t come right away, and Lucas wondered if he’d said the wrong thing. He didn’t know how to do this, what questions to ask, if he just sounded like an idiot virgin.

His heart jumped as his screen lit up again, and his mouth went dry as he stared at the photo. Even in the bad lighting, he knew what it was—Jens’ hand curled around his dick, pulled from his jeans, long and hard, the tip shiny in what Lucas assumed was the glint from lamp light.

_Thinking about you_ , came Jens’ reply a second later. Then, _This okay?_

“Fuck,” Lucas muttered, lips dry as he swallowed, blood rushing down as he let himself drink in the picture. He’d never cared before, with those strangers on Grindr, been too freaked out to really look, but it was completely different knowing it was Jens sending these, Jens probably sitting in some person’s guest room, the door locked, taking badly-lit photos of his cock, jerking himself off thinking about Lucas.

_Okay_ , he managed to type as his hand fumbled for his zipper.

Lucas had jerked off plenty of times in his life, but never with the thought of anyone else doing it with him. Somewhere in Belgium, Jens was lying on a bed, mouth open as he sighed, head stretching back as his hand stroked himself. That was what Lucas told himself as he closed his eyes, hand wrapping around his dick, half-hard in his hand.

The phone lit up again with another message and Lucas fumbled for it.

_I want to suck your dick some day,_ Jens wrote, and Lucas bit back a whimper. Ralph had been right about being blunt—Jens wasn’t anything else and it was a nice break from trying to figure out what people meant. It was also incredibly hot, thinking about Jens sliding down his stomach, plush lips gliding over his hip bones and tugging his jeans down, a tongue sliding over his cock.

_Yeah_ , was all Lucas managed to write back, biting his bottom lip as his prick jerked in his hand, hot and heavy, pressure building in his stomach as he tightened his grip.

_Yeah you want me to suck your dick?_

Jens was teasing now, but Lucas didn’t care.

Grabbing the phone, he opened the camera, hesitating a second as he pointed it down his torso. His hand was stuffed deep under his jeans, but his erection was obvious, the bulge underneath. What was he doing? Since when did he send pictures of himself jerking off to guys? Not just guys, though, Jens, a guy his age that he liked, had made out with multiple times, had definitely thought about doing this with.

Shoving away the momentary nerves, Lucas snapped the picture and sent it. He didn’t need to over-think this.

_Fuck_ , was all Jens wrote in reply.

Lucas was too hot to care when he typed in, _Maybe later_. Too wrapped up in the pressure, the heat racing over his skin as he thought about Jens doing the exact same thing. Maybe he was biting back moans in some stranger’s pillow, maybe his friends were wondering where he was, jiggling the door to get in, maybe he was biting back curses as he stroked himself.

Gasping, Lucas came with a jerk, pressing his face to the pillow and sucking in air. For a moment, he didn’t move, taking deep breaths, hand shaky as he pulled it out of his jeans. There was sweat on his brow when he finally rolled onto his side and sighed.

Reaching for his phone, he brought up the messages.

_Next time, I want to hear you._

Next time. A thrill ran through Lucas’ chest, thudding against his rib cage as he reread the words.

_Is the party still boring?_ he wrote because he didn’t know what else to say. Something was definitely happening with Jens, even if he wasn’t totally sure what it was. They weren’t dating, exactly, and they weren’t fucking, really. But they were doing something.

_Better now._

Lucas smiled to himself, wiggling out of his jeans, frowning at the wet spot on the front. He kicked them off the bed and curled into his pillow instead.

_Glad I could help,_ he typed in slowly. He was suddenly very glad he hadn’t gone to the party with Kes and Jayden.

_I’ll help you some day too_ , Jens’ message said, and Lucas stared at it for a long time. He knew what it was supposed to mean, just reciprocation for what had just happened, but he wondered if maybe it meant more. Or maybe he was thinking too much again.

Instead of replying, he shoved the phone under his pillow and sighed, gazing out the dark window. He did smile, though, as he thought that he’d been the one Jens had chosen to text when he was drunk and horny. He could hooked up with someone at the party—Jens had told him he still liked girls as much as he liked guys. But he hadn’t. He’d chosen Lucas. Maybe there was something more to it than sexting and making out. Lucas didn’t know what it was, but as he lay there on his bed, curled onto his side, he thought he wouldn’t mind finding out.


	4. Chapter 4

“Hey.” 

Lucas looked up as he stuffed his textbooks away, heading for the classroom door. Kes fell into step beside him.

“You okay?”

Frowning, Lucas didn’t want to think why Kes was asking him that. Because he was a good friend, he thought as they left the class, because that was the kind of person Kes was. Not because he’d been spacing out in class again thinking about Jens and the next time they were going to see each other.

“Fine,” he said, shrugging. He didn’t ask why Kes asked, but Kes seemed to watch him anyway as they headed down the hall.

“You’ve been acting weird,” he said, and Lucas didn’t meet his gaze. Weird could mean anything. “Is it your mom?”

Outside, rain fell in a gentle pitter-pat on the concrete and Lucas paused as they reached the front door. His mom was the only excuse Kes had, could think to reason away the way Lucas had been acting lately. Kes had no way of knowing it was something else entirely.

“She’s fine,” he said, shaking his head, yanking up the zipper on his jacket.

Kes didn’t reply right away, and Lucas didn’t check to see that same concerned look on his face. He knew it was there. It always was these days.

He wondered how easy it would be to just tell Kes, to admit that there was someone who actually made him excited to get text messages, someone who wasn’t just a friend.

Lucas wasn’t totally sure what Jens was, but it was more than just a friend.

Like ripping off a bandaid, he told himself as he paused at the front door, watching the rain drizzle down the pane. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe he could just get it over with.

“So if everything is fine, you’re coming to the party Noah’s friends are throwing on Saturday?”

Another party filled with drunk people, people Lucas didn’t care about. He knew Kes was watching him, though, searching for some kind of answer.

They’d never kept secrets before, not until last year when Lucas had broken up him and Isa. Not intentionally but also yeah, kind of intentionally. It was the guilt welling up inside that made Lucas flash Kes a smile and shove open the front door.

“Wouldn’t miss it,” he said, stepping out into the rain and heading for his bike locked up at the rack.

Kes didn’t follow, and Lucas let out a sigh as he got his bike unlocked and headed for home.

By the time he sloshed into the front hall, he was soaked, coat dripping as he peeled it off and hung it up on the rack.

“Lucas!” his mom called as he snuck down the hall.

Grimacing, he paused. “What?”

“Your dad called,” she said, her voice coming from the kitchen, but Lucas didn’t head that way. Instead, he rolled his eyes. His dad couldn’t have anything useful to say. “He says you haven’t returned his call in over a week.”

“Then he should take the hint,” Lucas muttered under his breath. “Okay!” he called back instead, as if that put an end to the conversation.

In his room, he kicked off his shoes and peeled off his damp socks before flopping onto his bed and pulling out his phone.

Now he had to go to the party, to act like he actually wanted to fucking spend his night watching couples make out and getting sloppy drunk. He could think of a million other things he’d rather do, but he didn’t know how to explain that to Kes.

Scrolling through his phone, Lucas paused at his dad’s name on the recent call list. He had no intention of calling him back--it would just be more of the same, pretending to care about him, pretending to care about his mom as if he hadn’t walked out on both of them last year.

He scrolled further, eyes falling on Jens’ name. He’d never actually called Jens on the phone, but it had been a few weeks since they’d last met up, a few weeks since Lucas had seen his face or heard his voice.

He still wasn’t sure what this was, this thing with Jens, and part of him didn’t care. It wasn’t as if Jens was around all the time, going to school with him, around every corner. It made things easier but also more confusing.

It was definitely something, he admitted as he stared at Jens’ name. They’d made out both times they’d met up, and there was that time they’d jerked off together in the dead of night, hundreds of miles apart but connected somehow. Lucas tried not to think of that night, to let his mind wander to it in class, think of the pictures Jens had sent, so brazen, so bold. It was easy to get lost in the memory, easy to get lost in the fantasy of what they could do if they were together. No wonder Kes thought he was acting weird.

Shaking himself, Lucas scooted back on the bed, sitting cross-legged against the headboard as he clicked on Jens’ name and brought up Facetime.

The phone rang before he could overthink this, and he took a breath, waiting nervously. Jens might not even pick up. He might be busy or with friends or…

“Hey.” Jens’ face appeared, and Lucas let out the breath as Jens smiled at him through the screen.

“Hi,” he said, watching the screen jostle. “Bad time?”

“Just heading home,” Jens said, and Lucas caught sight of what might have been a tree in the background. He smirked as Lucas. “And where are you?”

“I’m home,” Lucas said, flashing the phone around his bedroom for a second.

“Was that a Donnie Darko poster back there?” Jens asked as Lucas turned the screen back to him. He shrugged and Jens laughed. The background shifted from bright to dark as Jens kept walking, maybe entered a building. “You’re as bad as Sander.”

Lucas didn’t know what that meant, but he didn’t ask. He wondered what Jens’ room looked like--he bet it was messy, clothes all over the floor, hoodies and beanies and shoes in jumbled piles.

Setting his arm on his knee, Lucas sighed, watching Jens climb stairs and hearing the squeak of a door.

“So you just wanted to see my pretty face?” Jens asked and the screen stopped moving finally.

“Just wanted to say hi,” Lucas admitted. He hadn’t really had a plan when he’d called Jens. He just hadn’t wanted to be alone with his thoughts.

“Well, I like seeing your pretty face,” Jens said, and Lucas was glad the camera wasn’t great quality because he definitely blushed at that.

“Shut up,” he said instead, rolling his eyes.

He didn’t know how Jens could be so smooth, if he practiced it, or if he was just that confident. Lucas could do it, with girls, where nothing was at stake. But it seemed when it came to people he actually liked, he turned into a blushing mess.

Jens smirked, holding the camera closer. Lucas could see a bed over his shoulder, unmade, pillows smushed together.

“So what’s up with you?”

What was up with him, Lucas thought as he watched Jens through the phone. Kes knew something was going on, that Lucas was keeping something from him—his dad wouldn’t stop calling for God knew what reason—his mom seemed to think it was important they keep in contact even though he’d done nothing but abandon them—and he couldn’t stop thinking about that night Jens had texted him. 

“Just the usual,” he said finally, picking at his comforter, only looking up when Jens hummed softly.

“And what’s the usual?”

They hadn’t talked, not really, not a real conversation, Lucas thought as he paused. He wasn’t sure he did that with anyone anymore. Even Kes, the person he was supposed to be able to tell everything to, even they hadn’t talked in a long time.

“I don’t know,” he said finally, setting his chin on his knee and sighing. “My dad keeps calling, like I want to talk to him, and my mom, it feels like she’s on his side sometimes, even though he’s the one who left.”

“Shit,” Jens said after a second, and Lucas laughed.

“Yeah,” he agreed. There wasn’t much more to say in his opinion.

Jens frowned, shoving his hair back. “I know it’s probably not what you want to hear, but your mom might be right.”

“Right about what?”

“That you should talk to him. You might regret not doing it later.”

At that, Lucas glanced up, at Jens’ shrug. “Why does that sound like you know what you’re talking about?”

“My parents have been divorced a long time. They get along okay now, but at first, they fought constantly and I always felt like I was in the middle. It took me a long time to realize it wasn’t about me, and I shouldn’t punish one or the other for what happened.”

Lucas looked away. “I don’t think it’s the same with my mom. He left because of her, because he couldn’t handle it, and he expects me to understand somehow.”

“Then it’s his loss,” Jens said, and Lucas looked back, at the slight smile at Jens’ lips.

“Do you pre-plan those lines?” he asked, and Jens scoffed, making a face at the camera, faking offense. “Or are you just that smooth?”

Jens licked his lips, gaze intent as he watched Lucas through the screen. “I’m just that smooth. And you’re just that cute.”

“Cute?” Lucas repeated, eyebrows rising, and Jens grinned. 

“Hot, totally hot,” he corrected himself. “But I doubt your dad cares about that.”

Lucas grimaced. “I hope not.” Sighing, he leaned back against the board, checking out the window. It was still raining, the sky dark and grey. He wished he could just stay here, on the phone with Jens for as long as he wanted, that he didn’t have to go to school tomorrow and see Kes’ calculating look, as though trying to figure out what secret he was keeping.

“What are you doing this weekend?” he asked suddenly, turning back to the screen.

Jens tilted his head to the side. “I don’t know. Why? You have something in mind?”

His heart was pounding against his throat as Lucas considered his next words carefully. “I have a thing Saturday night, but maybe you could come over earlier and we could hang out.”

“Hang out?” Jens repeated, and Lucas forced himself not to hold his breath. “Like a date?”

“No,” Lucas said quickly, shaking his head. “I mean, not you don’t want to. It, it could just—why are you smiling like that?”

Jens brought up a hand to cover his mouth, but there was no hiding his grin, and Lucas huffed. Jesus, he was terrible at this. Was it so laughable, the idea of dating him? Maybe hooking up was all they were good for.

“You’re nervous,” Jens said after a second, lowering his hand, but he was still smiling. “You’re nervous about asking me out.”

“Fuck you,” Lucas said with no heat behind it, feeling the flush on his cheeks again. “I’ve never asked a guy out before.”

He’d never even wanted to ask a guy out before, to do anything more than stare longingly at a pretty face, wish Kes would touch him the same way he touched Isa. Now, it was Jens he thought about when he thought about people touching him--a hand on his shoulder, fingers gliding over his hip bones, hot breath on his neck that wiped out all rational thought. Maybe they weren’t the dating type exactly, but they could still hang out, spend time together without it being weird.

“Come on,” Jens said easily, leaning into the camera. “You totally picked me up that first night.”

“I offered you weed,” Lucas reminded him. He hadn’t done it very well, only after Ralph practically forced him from his chair.

“Sometimes that’s all it takes,” Jens replied, and he smiled again, softer, nodding his head. “Sure, I’ll go out with you, Luc.”

Lucas sighed, somewhat in relief, feeling stupid for worrying. Jens liked him. He shouldn’t have been questioning that fact at least. After all, they’d made out, jerked off together, the promise of later lingering in the air, of next time. Lucas always swallowed down that thought, of what would happen _next time_.

“So, Saturday?” he asked, and Jens nodded, biting down on his bottom lip.

“Saturday.”

It was a date, Lucas thought as he leaned back against the headboard and smiled as Jens went on about whatever stupid things his friends had done that day. A date with a cute boy. Nothing could ruin this.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out the [AMAZING art](https://dreamy-slytherin.tumblr.com/post/189664938010/van-der-stoffels-here-you-can-read-more-about) by LeonieJulie over on Tumblr that she made special for this chapter.

Lucas ignored his phone vibrating with text messages in his pocket, stealing a bite of Jens’ cake as Jens protested.

“So that’s the kind of guy you are?” he asked, shoving Lucas’ fork aside.

“And you’re the kind who doesn’t share?” Lucas replied, raising his eyebrows and grinning as Jens tugged his plate closer.

It was still early enough that no one Lucas knew was likely to wander past the cafe, no one was likely to see them, although he still couldn’t shake the feeling that they were too exposed there.

He wouldn’t have called it a date, not exactly, even if Jens had come all the way from Antwerp to eat cake and call him an asshole as he tried to steal another bite. He didn’t really care what it was, so long as it was Jens sitting across from him, hoodie pulled over his head even though it wasn’t cold in the cafe.

“Don’t tell me I came all this way for cake,” Jens said, finishing off what was on his plate. “I mean, it’s good cake, but aren’t you going to show me all your cool Utrecht places?”

Laughing, Lucas shook his head. “I don’t think there are any cool Utrecht places. This is about it.”

His phone vibrated again and Lucas didn’t want to know who kept texting him.

“Then your favorite places,” Jens said with a shrug, and Lucas thought for a moment. He supposed he should have thought a bit more about this, about what they would do with a whole morning together.

“Favorite places,” he muttered, leaning back in the chair and tugging down the sleeves of his pink sweatshirt. It was one of those chilly fall days, the ground covered in wet, slick leaves, people bundled up in coats going about their business.

“At least your favorite place to smoke,” Jens said, and Lucas glanced up, catching his easy smile.

“I see,” he said after a second. “That’s why you like coming over here. It has nothing to do with me.”

Jens laughed, reaching across the table and tugging at Lucas’ sleeve. Something in his stomach flipped over at the gesture, at the way Jens liked his lips slowly, gaze fixed on him. It was the kind of thing that made him nervous and excited at the same time, like even though things seemed so easy with Jens, there was definitely something more going on.

“It’s just a bonus,” Jens said finally, taking his hand back, pushing his chair away from the table. “So come on, show me your spots.”

Shaking his head, Lucas bit back his smile as he rose from the table and followed Jens to the door.

“We do more than just get high here,” he said as he turned, leading the way, and Jens fell into step beside him, arms brushing together.

“Like what?” Jens nudged him playfully as they sidestepped a fallen branch on the sidewalk.

“I don’t know.” He shrugged, turning a corner, away from the park they’d gone to last time. “Parties, go to the movies, play video games.”

Jens nodded thoughtfully. “Sounds a lot like home, except I’ve got my younger brother to keep out of trouble.”

“ _You_ keep him out of trouble?” Lucas asked, raising his eyebrows as Jens shoved him easily.

“I’m totally responsible,” he said as Lucas laughed. “Except when I run off to the Netherlands to make out with cute guys.”

There it was, the blush again. How much longer was this going to go on for? After all, they’d made out. Lucas had even seen Jens’ dick—granted, in a picture, but still. There was no reason to keep blushing at things like that.

“Is that what you told your friends?” Lucas asked as they turned the corner to the skate park. There weren’t many people out this morning, and Lucas led Jens around the edge. He had no intention of skating--he hadn’t brought his board and he was pretty shit at it anyway. He mostly came because Kes liked it. He did like the place, though, the relative quietness of the tree grove around the corner, growing up against the graffiti’d wall, a single bench nestled amongst the bushes, the wide swath of dewy grass.

“Robbe’s the only one who asked,” Jens said as they reached the bench and climbed on the back. Lucas didn’t pull out the joint immediately, sweeping his hair back and watching Jens gaze around the grove. “I said we were hanging out, and he gave me this look, like I was a complete idiot or something.”

Jens sounded like it was stupid, that Robbe would do something like that, like it made no sense.

“Maybe you are,” Lucas joked instead, and Jens scoffed, scooting closer until their legs were pressed together, feet touching on the seat.

“Maybe I am,” he agreed, tugging his hoodie down and leaning in to Lucas. It was their first kiss in weeks, but it was the same warm feeling that spread through Lucas with Jens’ lips pressed to his.

Jens deepened the kiss as they sat there, a hand coming to Lucas’ side, fingers sinking into his sweatshirt. With Jens’ tongue in his mouth, sliding over his lower lip, Lucas didn’t care about the way his phone vibrated again, another message from someone determined to get ahold of him. It was probably just the group chat, Kes and Jayden trying to plan for the party tonight, trying to decide on a strategy for getting girls. Lucas couldn’t care less.

“I brought the good stuff,” Lucas said when Jens moved back, holding up the joint, and Jens grinned, lips soft and pink.

“This is why I like you,” he said, taking the joint from Lucas and holding it in his mouth as Lucas lit it. Exhaling the smoke, he reached over, thumb brushing under Lucas’ lip, coaxing his mouth open for the joint, placing it delicately between his lips. “Among other reasons.”

Taking the joint, Lucas inhaled deeply, feeling the buzz spreading through his chest. That was what he blamed for the way he felt when Jens met his eyes with a grin and leaned in, close enough to breathe in the smoke he exhaled.

Jens’ fingers slid down his throat as they breathed together, smoke clouding between them, and Lucas swallowed, feeling the crackle of air, the heat in Jens’ gaze as he tilted his mouth up, so close to kissing him.

Jens smiled, sliding the joint from Lucas’ loose grip and moving back a centimeter. “So what’s your favorite movie?”

Blinking, it took Lucas a second to understand the question, too distracted by Jens’ mouth so close, the way he licked his lips.

“I really liked Moonlight,” he said finally, “but I think my favorite is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.”

“Never seen it,” Jens said, flicking ash off the end of the joint and passing it back to Lucas. “Isn’t it depressing?”

“Maybe,” Lucas admitted, taking a long drag as feeling the buzz along his skin, not helped by the way Jens’ hand slid down his back, fingers playing along his side as if he knew how much it affected Lucas. “But it’s more about the power of connection, hope, how there’s always a chance for things to work out.”

Jens smiled, plucking the joint from Lucas’ lips. “You’re a romantic.”

Lucas wanted to argue, but he really couldn’t. Was it so wrong to want to be happy?

“What’s your favorite movie then? Rambo?” he asked instead, shoving Jens beside him, smiling when Jens caught his arm, pulled him into a kiss. He tasted like smoke and frosting, sweet and bitter, and it made Lucas laugh, his heart light as he pushed Jens away but didn’t let go, fingers curled into the front pocket of his hoodie.

“Don’t knock Rambo,” Jens murmured, pressing another kiss to Lucas’ mouth, his smile.

“Sorry,” Lucas said, but he didn’t really care, sliding his hands into Jens’ hair as he kissed him, a little wetter, a little deeper, and his heart thudded in his chest.

He only pulled away at the sound of branches rustling, glancing around sharply, but he couldn’t see anyone. The nerves returned as he checked the bushes, frowning at the sound of hushed voices getting further away, hissed words he couldn’t hear. Shit. Someone had seen them.

He shouldn’t care, he told himself as Jens watched him, eyebrows furrowed. It was probably no one important, probably just some skaters looking for a place to get high too.

“It’s nothing,” Jens assured him, turning Lucas’ face back to him. Lucas wasn’t so sure about that, but he nodded, taking the joint back and breathing in, hoping it would help calm the nerves buzzing on his skin.

“Yeah,” he muttered finally, tearing his eyes from the bushes, silent and still now. His phone vibrated again and he sighed, pulling it from his pocket.

There were a bunch of texts from Kes and Jayden asking where he was, if he was going to come pre-game at Jayden’s flat before the party. The last one was from Kes.

_You don’t have to come to the party if you don’t want to._

Frowning at the message, Lucas didn’t know what that meant. Kes had been so adamant about him going.

“Your mom?” Jens asked as Lucas tucked the phone away, still going over Kes’ message in his head.

“No, just my friend,” he said, shaking his head. Why would Kes suddenly change his mind? It didn’t make sense. But it did mean more time with Jens, which Lucas couldn’t say was a bad thing. “You want to go see a castle?”

“How fancy.” Jens laughed, and he slid off the bench when Lucas did. Lucas handed over what was left of the joint, watching Jens take a drag before crushing it under his toe. Exhaling the smoke, Jens met Lucas’ gaze and smiled. “You don’t have to impress me, you know.”

“Wasn’t trying to,” Lucas replied, but he did glance over as Jens reached for the back of his neck, a gentle squeeze that sent flutters through his stomach. They never talked about this, about what this was exactly. Lucas wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

“Good,” Jens said, dropping his hand. “Now, are there deserted corners in the castle where we can disappear to?”

Smiling, Lucas stepped away from the bench, walking backwards to catch Jens’ intrigued gaze. “Maybe.”

“I like it already,” Jens said, grinning as he followed after Lucas. Lucas laughed as Jens slung an arm around his neck as they walked, forgetting all about Kes’ messages on his phone for once.


	6. Chapter 6

Something was definitely off, but Lucas couldn’t quite figure it out.

It started when Lucas asked Jayden and Kes how the party had gone. Lucas caught the glance they had exchanged before answering.

“It was fine,” Kes said finally, and Lucas glanced between them. Jayden was practically glaring at the ground, but he didn’t say anything. A cool breeze rustled what was left of the dead leaves clinging to the trees in the courtyard. 

“Yeah? You hook up with anyone?”

“No,” Kes said, frowning at Jayden instead. Lucas had no idea why.

To be honest, Lucas had forgotten all about the party until Sunday morning, scrolling through Instagram. Instead, he’d been far more focused on Jens being there with him, Jens’ goofy smile and his suggestion they eat a bunch of junk food and discuss the merits of actions movies versus romance.

Lucas felt like his heart had been floating all weekend, caught up in the happiness of being with someone like Jens, someone he didn’t have to pretend around.

Jayden sniffed in the chilly air, kicking a wet leaf stuck to the pavement, and Lucas wondered why they weren’t inside the school instead of lingering outside where it was getting colder by the minute.

“Why didn’t you come?” Jayden asked sharply, unexpectedly, tilting his head to the side, almost accusatory.

Lucas’ mind immediately went to Jens, the way Jens had kissed him before getting on the train, somewhere between a casual goodbye kiss and something else. Lucas almost hadn’t wanted him to go. He didn’t let himself think about that right now, not with Jayden staring at him, demanding an answer.

“It was my mom,” he lied quickly, stuffing his hands in his pockets. There was a crease in Kes’ brow, and he was sure Jayden barely restrained his eye roll. “She was having a bad night.”

“You keep ditching us, man,” Jayden said before Kes could elbow him in the side, as if it meant something more than it did.

“It’s not on purpose,” Lucas had replied, feeling suddenly defensive even if Jayden was completely right. “I can’t control how my mom’s going to be.”

It hadn’t been his mom at all, the reason why he hadn’t come to the party. It had been Jens laughing at him, pulling him into a kiss that left him breathless and wanting, wishing his mom wasn’t home so maybe they could go there and do something more. He’d never wanted to do that in his life, not with any of the girls he’d made out with. He’d never felt that pull before, as if he’d let Jens do whatever he wanted.

“That’s such bullshit!” Jayden said, surprising Lucas, and he could only stare. “You’re always lying to us.”

“I am not,” Lucas argued, looking to Kes for help, but Kes didn’t say anything, arms crossed as though he agreed with Jayden. “You think I’d lie about my mom?”

Kes dropped his arms as Lucas stared at him. “I don’t know, man. You’ve been weird lately.”

“Weird?” Jayden repeated. “You fucking--”

Kes elbowed him hard and Jayden turned his glare to Kes instead.

Lucas had no idea what was going on, why they were suddenly so mad about him missing one party. He’d gone to all the other stupid parties.

“So I didn’t go to one party,” he said finally, jerking his shoulders. “I go to every other stupid party where girls ignore us and we get drunk or high and don’t do shit. Can’t I do one thing without you guys accusing me of lying or being weird? I have other shit to deal with.”

“Luc,” Kes said, in that calming tone he used, but Lucas wasn’t in the mood to be calmed down, not with the way Jayden was watching him, as though he had wronged them in some way.

“Don’t let him off so easy, Kes,” Jayden interrupted, stepping up to Lucas. “He’s been lying to us for weeks, always some bullshit about his mom.”

Lucas felt his stomach go cold. It was almost like they knew, but how could they? How could they know about Jens?

One glance at Kes and he knew he thought the same, that Lucas was keeping a secret.

“Don’t talk about my mom,” he said instead, shoving Jayden away from him.

“Why not?” Jayden asked, pushing right back. “Unless that’s not the problem.”

“Stop it,” Kes said as Lucas glared at Jayden in his face. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, angry and guilty and petrified all at the same time. Jayden couldn’t know.   
Jayden was just being an asshole because he’d missed some stupid party.

“What’s the truth, Lucas?” Jayden demanded, and Lucas felt the anger welling up inside him, bubbling up in his chest until he shoved Jayden hard, so hard he stumbled back a few steps, nearly fell on the concrete.

“Fuck you,” he snapped. “You’re such a dick.”

He didn’t wait for Kes to call after him. He wasn’t even sure Kes did, which just made it all worse as he stormed up the front steps and into school. As though he was the one being wronged here, as if he wasn’t the one keeping secrets, lying about where he was and who he was with, who kept texting him, why he was so distant these days.

His hands were shaking as he finally reached his locker, paused to stare at the door for a long moment. Only when his phone vibrated in his pocket did he finally move, pulling it out. It was just a notification, and he sighed. He didn’t know what he’d expected. Maybe for Jens to somehow know and text him something stupid to make him smile.

Pulling up Jens’ messages, Lucas scrolled through for a moment, hoping to distract himself. He’d just gotten into a fight with Jayden and Kes. A real fight.

Fuck.

_I wish you were here so we could skip school,_ he wrote, hitting send and slumping back against the lockers. He kept his head down in case Jayden and Kes decided to come this way, but he was pretty sure they wouldn’t. He was pretty sure they didn’t want to talk to him, and he didn’t want to talk to them.

His heart jumped at the vibration of his phone, jerking it to his face.

_I like being a bad influence on you,_ was Jens’ reply, and Lucas let out a breath. At least he had someone to talk to. The feeling didn’t last long as he remembered this was exactly why he was keeping secrets.

Tucking the phone away, he turned to his locker finally and opened it. He had no idea what he was supposed to do now, if there was any way to fix this. 

He didn’t come up with an answer as he finally shut his locker and slumped to class with everyone else. He avoided looking at Kes, and he was pretty sure Kes avoided looking at him, which somehow, just made everything worse.


	7. Chapter 7

_My mom’s going with my brother to his football match this weekend. Gone all weekend._

Staring at Jens’ message, Lucas sighed, leaning his head against the window of the train, ignoring the rushing landscape outside the train window. The train car was fairly empty, most people engrossed with their phones or staring out the window. 

Gone all weekend. The words echoed in his head and he swallowed down the nerves clawing their way into his throat. He knew exactly what that meant, or at least, he thought he did. He hadn’t said anything when he’d agreed to Jens’ suggestion he come up to Antwerp to check out his favorite places this time.

It was easier to focus on what was coming than what he was leaving behind. 

He didn’t want to think about Jayden and Kes and their fight, the anxiety welling in his chest. He forced himself to take a breath. There had been no messages from Jayden asking what the hell was going on with him lately, no messages from Kes asking if he was okay, if he wanted to talk, reassuring Lucas that he was there. Nothing. He didn’t want to think that it was just as much his fault that they weren’t talking to him, that he wasn’t talking to them.

Honestly, he didn’t know how to fix it. He’d never fought like this with Kes before, never felt so bad every time they crossed paths at school and Kes seemed like he wanted to say something but didn’t.

Turning his phone over, Lucas couldn’t help sighing. He didn’t want to relive last week, not when the prospect of seeing Jens was right in front of him. It wasn’t a long train ride, just long enough to let the anxiety build up in his stomach.

They still hadn’t talked about that night all those weeks ago, when Jens had texted him from a party, drunk and horny, sent him pictures Lucas may or may not have saved to revisit late at night.

Lucas hadn’t said that he’d never done with anyone before when he’d replied to Jens. He didn’t say that he was scared, excited, nervous. He’d thought about it, sure, opening him up to someone else like that, if he was kind of guy who had casual sex. He didn’t think he was. Which was why he was here, on a train, running away from his problems at home to see a guy who wanted to do this.

The announcement of the next stop jolted Lucas out of his thoughts, rising to pull his backpack from the shelf overhead and heading for the train door. There was no time left to think about this. It was happening.

The platform was cold, a cutting wind blowing through the station as Lucas hopped onto the concrete and glanced around for the exit.

Following the crowd, he headed upstairs, looking around for Jens as he reached the main level, swallowing down the butterflies clambering to escape his throat.

“Hey.”

Jens appeared in front of him, between the crowd, an easy smile on his face, and Lucas felt himself relax.

“Hi.”

“Come on,” Jens said, nodding his head toward the exit, and Lucas didn’t say anything as Jens’ warm hand wrapped around his and tugged him along.

Lucas didn’t keep track of the way they came, past tall buildings very similar to the ones in Utrecht, past canals and trees waving in the chill breeze, brown leaves clinging desperately in the wind.

He could only concentrate on his hand in Jens’, the way Jens glanced over at him as they turned corners, down narrow cobblestone streets until they reached a door that Jens unlocked easily and let him go in first.

There was no mistaking it, what they were going to do. 

“You want a drink?” Jens asked once they reached his apartment on the third floor, a small but warm space, blankets tossed over every couch and chair. Bright light streamed in through the windows on the opposite wall, the sky grey in the distance.

“Sure,” he said because he didn’t know what else to do. He was pretty sure Jens was much more experienced between the two of them. He took the bottle Jens handed him, glancing around the living room. “So your brother does football?” he asked, catching sight of the photos on the bookshelf. There was a woman with Jens’ same dark hair, Jens a few years younger, and a kid that was there was no mistaking he was related to Jens. Same hair, same nose, even the same tilt to their smiles.

“Yeah, but the team sucks,” Jens replied, eyes on Lucas instead of the photo. “Still, it gets him out of the house.”

The empty house, Lucas thought, looking back at Jens. He was sure there was something going on back home, some party the guys hadn’t told him about because they were in some stupid fight. He was sure if he hadn’t called Jayden an asshole, he’d be sitting with him and Kes right now, getting high, talking about stupid shit like who could hold their breath the longest or listening to some story Jayden had about going down on a girl.

He bet Jens had done that, had gone down on girls, but he didn’t want to think about that with Jens so close. Instead, he took a drink of his beer and forced himself to exhale a long breath.

“So do you want to watch a movie? Or we could get food,” Jens said after a minute as they stood there.

Glancing over, Lucas knew Jens was giving him an out, or at least, easing him into it. He didn’t need to be eased into it despite the way his heart was hammering in his chest. “I thought maybe I’d go into a dark room and take a picture of my dick,” he said, only half-joking when Jens’ eyebrows quirked, almost surprised Lucas would say something like that.

“You know I was really drunk when I sent that,” Jens admitted, smiling at Lucas. He reached for Lucas, though, fingers sliding to his neck. “But that doesn’t mean I didn’t want it.”

This smile was easier as Lucas gazed at Jens, the part of his lips, the smirk at the edge, calming somehow.

“I haven’t ever,” Lucas managed to say, letting out a breath as he tilted his chin up, closer to Jens’ lips. He didn’t check the look in Jens’ eyes.

“Neither have I,” Jens said, and Lucas looked up finally. “With a guy,” he added at Lucas’ frown.

“Are you nervous?” he asked with Jens’ lips so close to his, feeling Jens’ pause, biting the inside of his cheek.

Jens kissed Lucas before he answered, a swelling feeling rising in Lucas’ chest at the heat in Jens’ kiss. His hands came up to Jens’ ribcage before he could stop himself, the soft, thick fabric of his hoodie under his fingers.

“I might be shit at this,” Jens admitted when the kiss broke and Lucas forced his eyes open, watching Jens’ tongue slide over his lips.

“I doubt that,” he said, feeling bolder, more confident now as he leaned in to kiss Jens again.

He’d thought about this, about what it might be like to get Jens alone, truly alone. Not out in public at a club or even as alone as they could be in a park or a tree grove. He thought he’d be scared, worried he was going to fuck it up somehow, that he would be a fumbling mess when it came to his first time. There was still time, he told himself, letting out a breath as Jens’ hands fell to his hips, gliding under his jacket.

“Come on,” Jens said, tugging Lucas out of the living room, down a hall and through a door at the end.

Jens’ room was much like Lucas had pictured, although there were definitely more posters of half-naked girls than he’d expected. The door closing behind them made Lucas turn around, watching Jens peel off his hoodie and drop it on the floor, leaving him in a thin tee shirt.

“There’s a lot of girls up here,” Lucas said as Jens stepped forward. Jens gazed around the room for a second before reaching for Lucas, a firm hand around his waist, pulling him forward.

“I should get a really hot naked guy, shouldn’t I?” he asked, and Lucas took a breath as Jens’ hands skated under his jacket, pushing it over his shoulders. He let it fall to the floor behind him, focusing on the tilt of Jens’ chin, the way Jens’ eyes dragged over his face. “To remind me of you.”

Lucas’ cheeks went hot as Jens laughed, walking him backwards until they hit the bed. Lucas fell first, heart pounding as Jens climbed on after. They still had all their clothes on, hadn’t gotten any further than kissing, but he gasped at Jens’ hand sliding up his thigh, parting his legs so he could settle in between them.

When Jens kissed him this time, it was different, a fire burning in Lucas’ chest as he grabbed onto Jens’ shoulders, slipping to his neck as their bodies aligned. They were really going to do this. He really wanted to do this.

There was no more talking for a minute, not with Jens’ warm fingers grazing under his shirt, up his stomach, forcing it off, mussing his hair. Lucas shivered, but not because of the cold as Jens sat up, perched over his hips, and pulled off his own shirt, tossing it aside carelessly as he came back to Lucas, kissing him deeply.

Lucas had never gotten this far with anyone—he’d always managed to distract the girls before they tried this, tried to suck marks into his neck. They’d never left him breathless like Jens did, closing his eyes and focusing on the slide of Jens’ tongue down his neck, the teeth scraping at his throat, Jens’ hands on his bare chest, gripping his ribcage as Lucas’ body reacted on its own, pushing up into Jens.

He didn’t want to go slow, he decided with Jens’ mouth sliding down his chest, heat throbbing everywhere Jens touched, more and more turned on with Jens’ hands reaching for his jeans, the sound of the zipper filling the room.

It was the first time anyone else had ever touched him like this, gotten their hand underneath his boxers and stroked in a way that made Lucas bite his lip and whisper, “Fuck.”

It was Jens’ mouth, hot and wet, slick tongue sliding over his hip bone, leaving a bruise just above his waistband as his free hand yanked down Lucas’ jeans.

Opening his eyes, Lucas couldn’t help looking, down at Jens’ soft, dark hair hovering over him, the way Jens glanced up, met his gaze before leaning into his cock and licking up the underside.

“Shit,” Lucas cursed, heat rolling around his stomach, so hard as Jens took his time tracing the ridges in his cock, leaving him desperate for more.

He’d never imagined it would be quite this good, that he would feel so hot, panting for breath as Jens took him deep in his mouth.

His skin burned, breath shaky as he tried to remember to breathe, to not get lost in the feeling of Jens sucking him off, too good for it to be his first time. God, Jens was just good at everything, wasn’t he?

As if in response to his thoughts, Jens pulled away, wiping at his mouth and panting for breath, smiling up at Lucas.

“Harder than I thought,” he said, and Lucas could swear there was a pink tinge to his cheeks that might not just have been because he was out of breath, but Jens didn’t stop, curling his hand around Lucas and stroking hard and fast as Lucas groaned above him. Instead, he mouthed along the outside, soft lips and a careful tongue that seemed to know exactly what to do to bring Lucas to the edge.

Fingers digging into the messy comforter, Lucas shut his eyes, exhaling shakily. He wasn’t going to last long, not like this.

He was too hot, stomach clenching tightly in the moments before he came, the moment he took to push at Jens’ shoulder, break him away from sucking on the tip, pleasure shooting through him as he gasped, biting hard on his bottom lip.

“Fuck,” Jens muttered as he pulled back, hand sticky and wet as he wiped it off on the comforter before he grimaced.

Breathing heavy, Lucas couldn’t even find the words to respond, feeling oddly vulnerable, completely naked beneath Jens, who still had pants on at least. That simply wasn’t fair.

“How’d I do?” Jens asked as he pulled himself back up to Lucas’ level, brushing back Lucas’ curls, gentle in a way that made Lucas smile, butterflies fluttering in his chest again.

“Good,” Lucas assured him, eyes dropping to Jens’ mouth a second before he kissed him, rolling Jens onto his back, climbing on top of him.

Jens’ gaze scraped down his chest, mouth hanging open slightly, intense and wanting as Lucas shoved aside any doubts that he wasn’t going to be good at this, that it was just going to be an awkward mess.

Jens’ jeans were tighter than Lucas expected, tugging them over his hips, checking that Jens was still watching. He was, dark eyes flicking to Lucas’ as he opened his mouth, licked his lips and let out a slow breath.

Jens’ dick was heavy in Lucas’ slender fingers, long and hard, warm to the touch. It was just like jerking himself off, Lucas told himself, spitting into his palm and sliding it up the length. He tried not to go too slowly, tightening his grip when Jens sucked in a sharp breath.

Jens wasn’t loud, breathing heavy instead, biting his lip and exhaling slowly, as though concentrating on the feeling of Lucas jerking him off.

It was hotter than Lucas would have thought, watching the way Jens’ chest moved with each breath, the flush along his collar bone, and he couldn’t ignore Jens’ dick in his hand, the tip shiny and wet, the throb of blood he felt against his palm.

“Faster,” Jens said, eyes falling to Lucas, half-lidded as Lucas sped up, shifting on top of him, unable to stop himself from reaching for Jens’ stomach, fingers gliding over his abs, tracing each muscle as Jens groaned.

Jens didn’t warn him except to curse under his breath before he came, hot and wet and sticky as Lucas slid his hand down the hard length. He didn’t stop, not until Jens’ cock flagged and Jens reached for him, pulling Lucas up by his arm, the kiss sloppy, too much tongue, teeth sinking into his bottom lip as Jens rolled on top of Lucas, a warm weight sinking into him as his head went dizzy from Jens’ lips.

“Have you ever tried it with toothpaste?” Jens asked after a minute and Lucas stared at him, eyebrows furrowed.

“What?”

“Never mind.” Jens shook his head, letting go of Lucas to relax onto the mattress, shoving his hair back as he let out a breath.

Lying there, they didn’t speak for a moment. Lucas didn’t even know what to say as his breathing returned to normal, feeling like his whole body was warm and soft, melting into the comforter. So that was what it felt like not to be scared, to let himself go. Lucas didn’t think he could ever go back.

“There’s a really good fry place around the corner,” Jens said finally, and Lucas glanced over. The flush on his chest had receded, faded to its normal color, Jens’ skin tanned and warm even though summer was long gone. “We could get some and I could educate you on why Rambo is the best movie ever.”

Lucas laughed despite himself. “That’s going to take a lot of convincing.”

“Good thing we’ve got the whole weekend,” Jens said, but he didn’t move, smiling at Lucas beside him.

“Yeah,” Lucas agreed after a minute, meeting Jens’ gaze. In here, he didn’t have to think about the boys, about the fight, about what he knew he had to do. In here, they had the whole weekend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out the [beautiful accompanying art](https://dreamy-slytherin.tumblr.com/post/189791845555/uhuhuhhhh-what-is-happening-here-collab-with) by LeonieJulie on tumblr!


	8. Chapter 8

“Yo.” Jens greeted Moyo and Robbe with a fistbump, stepping up to them outside school, tugging at the strings on his hoodie as they huddled away from the rain.

“Where were you all weekend?” Moyo demanded. “I texted you on Saturday. You missed an awesome party.”

“I was busy,” Jens said, shrugging, hoping Moyo wouldn’t follow up. He knew it was pointless to hope when Moyo frowned at him.

“Too busy for your friends?”

“No, man, I just had some shit to do,” he said, not meeting Robbe’s eyes because he knew Robbe would know. It wasn’t as if it was a secret, what he was doing with Lucas. It just wasn’t a big deal, and if Moyo knew Lucas had spent the whole weekend at his place, he’d probably accuse him of turning mushy on him, just like Robbe had with Sander.

Jens wasn’t turning mushy. He was hooking up with a hot guy, no strings attached. What could be better than that?

“Did you meet up with Lucas this weekend?” It was Aaron that ruined it, appearing out of nowhere, and Jens sighed.

“He came over.” He shrugged casually, but he knew from the way Robbe glanced at him, he wasn’t fooling anyone.

“Over here?” Aaron repeated, eyebrows rising into his hairline. “Like to Antwerp?”

“So?” It wasn’t a big deal. Jens had gone to Utrecht just to hang out with Lucas before. They hadn’t even hooked up that time, just made out a lot in a castle garden, hidden amongst dormant rose bushes.

“What is it about this guy that makes you ditch us?” Moyo asked, and Jens shot him a look.

“Maybe if you ever had sex, you’d understand.”

Aaron and Robbe laughed as Moyo glared. It wasn’t just sex, though, Jens thought as he looked away. It was something in Lucas’ smile, how bright his eyes got when he was truly happy, the adorable mole above his lip that Jens had found himself tracing last time, when they’d ended up making out on the couch instead of watching the second Rambo movie.

Shaking himself, he turned back to the guys. It wasn’t like he and Lucas were together, like officially. They didn’t even live in the same city, didn’t talk every day, didn’t talk about what they were doing.

“Hey,” Robbe said as they headed inside finally, out of the mist, Moyo and Aaron ahead of them. “How was the weekend, really?”

Smiling, Jens shoved his shoulder gently. “It was good, bro. Nothing to worry about.”

“I’m not worried,” Robbe said as they stopped at his locker. Robbe’s was a few down, but he didn't go to it. “So things are good with you guys?”

“Me and Lucas?” Jens asked, pulling his locker open and shoving a textbook inside. “It’s all fine.”

He’d never admitted to being nervous, especially after that night he’d sent the photo. He’d been pretty drunk, stumbling into some dark room and jerking down his zipper as he thought about Lucas, his soft, pink lips, that blush he got on his cheeks all the time, all flirty and shy, but also confident enough to go off with him after just a few minutes of flirting in a cafe. Afterward, once he’d sobered up, he was sure he’d fucked it up. Gone too fast, too far.

He’d never told Robbe about that, choosing to keep it to himself in case it ever came back to bite him in the ass.

“Is it official then?” Robbe asked, as if everything had to be official. He supposed, after everything Robbe had gone through with Sander, clear communication would be important to him.

Shrugging, Jens turned to him. “We’re just hanging out.”

“Hooking up,” Robbe added and Jens nodded. “But you like him, don’t you?”

“Are you afraid I’m having some crisis, Robbe?” he asked, smiling slightly. “Like, freaking out because Lucas is a guy and I like him the same way I’ve liked girls?”

“So you do.”

Sighing, Jens shut his locker. “What does it matter?”

Robbe didn’t reply for a minute, shrugging his shoulders. “If it were me, I’d want to know he was on the same page. What if he’s hooking up with someone else?”

Jens frowned for a minute. So what if Lucas was hooking up with someone else? They didn’t owe anything to each other. They weren’t boyfriends, not like Robbe and Sander who were attached at the hip.

He’d done that before, been in a relationship, a stressful, confusing relationship with Jana that had ended in her cheating, him lying, and everything falling apart. He didn’t know if it would be the same to date a guy, even a guy as chill as Lucas, who had his own friends and didn’t rely on Jens for a social life.

Lucas was definitely not Jana, in any way, shape, or form.

Lucas also wasn’t any of the girls Jens had hooked up with after Jana, or even that guy he’d made out with at that party where he finally realized he liked kissing guys. It hadn’t been so much as a coming out as an, _oh, that’s what that is_ moment.

“What, you think he’s out there kissing other guys?” he asked, laughing at Robbe, who didn’t seem to find it as funny.

“I don’t know,” he said, turning with Jens and heading down the hall to his locker instead. “I just know that when you like people, you should tell them.”

Jens didn’t reply as Robbe rummaged in his locker. Saying something like that, it seemed so… mushy, gooey, vulnerable? He hadn’t dated anyone seriously since Jana. He’d told the guys he wanted to play the field, but the truth was, it had hurt too much to think about getting into something else after Jana.

He didn’t feel that now, that old ache that came with thinking about her. It was long over. They’d both moved on or at least moved forward.

“I don’t know if--” he cut himself off with a sigh as Robbe pulled his head from his locker to look at him.

“If Lucas wants the same thing?”

“You know, ever since you got together with Sander, you think you’re some relationship guru,” Jens said instead, punching Robbe’s shoulder. “Everything’s fine with Lucas.”

Everything was fine. There was no need to worry about what they were, what they were doing, if they needed to make it ‘official'. Robbe was thinking too much about something he wasn’t involved in. But Robbe did shit like that, cared too much about everyone.

Robbe rubbed his shoulder, shutting his locker. “There’s one way to find out what Lucas is thinking, and it’s not with your tongue in his mouth.”

“Shut up,” Jens said, rolling his eyes and turning Robbe around, heading down the hall. He didn’t tell Robbe that the thought made him nervous, the idea of dropping whatever cool facade Lucas thought he had to ask him something like that. There was nothing wrong with how things were going with Lucas, the casual hooking up, texting stupid shit back and forth, meeting up to grope each other in secluded places.

But there could be more, he thought as he followed Robbe into the classroom. There could be that warmth he felt whenever Lucas smiled at him. There could be the way he felt whenever Lucas’ name popped up on his screen, excited to read whatever he’d sent this time, whatever clever thought he had about movies or life.

But who knew if Lucas even wanted the same. Maybe he was completely content with how things were. Jens wasn’t going to be the one to ruin what they already had.

Sinking into his chair, Jens turned his gaze to the window. What did Robbe know about what he and Lucas were doing? What did he even know?

There was no point in dissecting it, Jens decided as class started. It would only drive him crazy. He just needed to drop it, stop thinking about it, though he was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about Lucas, and maybe that was the problem. Or maybe it wasn’t a problem at all. Frowning, Jens tuned out the teacher and let his mind wander away, out the window, over to the Netherlands instead.


	9. Chapter 9

Leaning against the bike rack, Lucas sighed, rubbing his eyes and blinking unseeingly at the ground. He felt as though he hadn’t slept in days--probably because he hadn’t.

He’d woken up two days ago to a crash from the kitchen where he’d found his mom trying to make croquettes, puttering around in the dark. She had protested when he took the pan away, said she was hungry.

“Then let me,” he had said, putting the oil back in the cupboard and going to the freezer instead. She didn’t need to accidentally set the kitchen on fire, get distracted in the middle, move onto the next idea before she finished the first. Lucas had been through this too many times.

“Let he who is without sins cast the first stone,” she had said, abandoning the kitchen for the living room where several different copies of bibles were spread open on the coffee table.

Instead of making the croquettes, Lucas had curled up in the arm chair instead, watching her switch between bibles, muttering verses under her breath until the sun began to rise and he finally got her into bed.

Lucas fought back his yawn as he stood there, gazing up at the school. Normally, he’d be with Kes and Jayden inside, out of the mist, but he was pretty sure they both thought he was a total jerk. Maybe because he’d been acting like one.

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d texted Kes--it had to be more than a week, before the weekend he’d spent with Jens. If he just kept focusing on that weekend, on how happy he’d been for those two days, he didn’t have to think about how he badly he’d treated his friends. They were his friends but he was the one keeping a secret, acting like a jerk, ditching them to hang out with Jens instead, not giving them any kind of explanation.

No wonder they didn’t want to talk to him.

“You look like shit.”

Isa’s voice made Lucas grimace, turning to face her. She flashed him a cheeky smile in return.

“Hi,” he only said, looking back at the school, the students clustered around the front door.

“What are you doing out here all alone?” she asked, coming up beside him, bag slung over her shoulder. Her curls were damp from the mist and Lucas sighed.

“Nothing,” he replied honestly. Avoiding going inside and facing his friends, the well-deserved silence.

“Are you and Kes fighting?” she asked, and she seemed to take it upon herself to tug Lucas away from the bike rack and towards the front door.

“No,” he said, though that wasn’t the whole truth. Kes just knew he was keeping something from him. He didn’t know it was Jens, a guy that made Lucas feel like he could finally be himself around someone, not have to keep any secrets.

“I may not be dating Kes anymore,” she said, stopping at the front stairs. “But I still know what his face does when he’s upset. And I know what yours does. You should just talk to him about it.”

Lucas wanted to roll his eyes, but wasn’t that what had torn her and Kes apart? A lack of communication. That and Lucas’ inability to hold his liquor.

“What if he doesn’t understand?” he asked before he could stop himself, gazing up at the front door.

“He’s Kes,” Isa said simply, hooking her arm in his. “Even if he doesn’t understand, he’ll still be there.”

He knew it was supposed to be reassuring, but Lucas didn’t feel much better as Isa tugged him up the stairs and into school.

*

_The Terminator is in a totally different class than Rambo. Next time, we’re marathoning all of them._

Lucas clicked out of Jens’ message, watching down the hall, the students flowing past him without a second glance. He couldn’t think about next time with Jens, not right now, not with his heart climbing into his throat as he caught sight of Kes amongst the crowd. To his relief, he was alone, but he stopped as he caught sight of Lucas.

Kes seemed to sigh after a minute before continuing forward.

“Hey,” Lucas greeted him carefully, and Kes only nodded. “You want to get some fries?”

For a second, Lucas thought Kes might say no, and his chest constricted in fear. Had he completely ruined everything? But then Kes shrugged.

“Sure,” he said and Lucas couldn’t help the breath he exhaled.

The shop was warm and smelled of fries and hamburgers. They chose a table near the window, and for a moment, Lucas only watched Kes eat his fries. He didn’t want fries. That wasn’t why he’d asked Kes to come.

Isa’s words kept echoing in his head, that even if Kes didn’t understand, he’d never turn away.

“Kes,” he said finally, and Kes looked up. “I need to tell you something.”

Kes set down the fry he was holding, taking in Lucas slowly. “Everything okay?”

Lucas found himself shaking his head. It was harder than he thought, forcing the words out. Just two words that could change everything. But if he didn’t say it, he’d have to live with this feeling forever.

Taking a breath, Lucas turned his gaze to Kes’ plate instead. “I’m gay.”

For a long moment, no one said anything. Lucas could hear his own heartbeat in his ears, feel the rush of blood against his pulse, a rapid thud as fear rose in him. He just wanted Kes to say something, anything.

“I know,” Kes said finally and Lucas’ head shot up.

“You do? How?”

Kes looked uncomfortable now, shifting in his seat. It couldn’t be a good sign. “Jayden and I saw you, a couple weeks ago, in the skate park with some guy.”

The rustle in the bushes, the whispered voices. Lucas didn’t know what to say, caught between embarrassed and guilty. So Kes had known this whole time? And Jayden?

“Why didn’t you say anything?” he asked finally, and Kes shrugged, frowning.

“To be honest, I was mad. Well, not mad. Hurt, I guess. Why would you think you had to keep this secret from me? You’re my best friend, Luc. You always have been.”

“I don’t know,” Lucas admitted to the table. “I wanted to tell you. I was just afraid things would be different.”

“Nothing’s different,” Kes assured him, and he sounded so sure that Lucas looked up. “I thought about bringing it up, but then I realized it really wasn’t up to me.”

Lucas wasn’t sure what to say to that, watching Kes push his fries around.

“I just hoped you would trust me enough at some point.”

“I do trust you,” Lucas said, seriously. He needed Kes to understand that. “I knew you wouldn’t care. I was just afraid of things changing, me not being me anymore.”

“You’ll always be you,” Kes said, and Lucas was surprised to find a slight smile on Kes’ lips. “You’re still Lucas. So you like kissing guys? It can’t be that much different than kissing girls, right?”  
Lucas smiled, relieved as he sat there, as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. “It’s better.”

“See?” Kes said, picking up his fries again. “Now we can finally talk about that shit without you getting all weird. Now I know why you used to get all weird.”

Sitting there, Lucas laughed, feeling better than he had in weeks. It felt good to finally tell someone.

“So what about this guy?” Kes asked finally.

“Jens,” Lucas supplied, feeling the blush on his cheeks again. “He’s from Belgium.”

“Aren’t you a player,” Kes teased, tossing a fry at Lucas. “So you’re dating?”

It still felt weird to talk about this with Kes, but it was nice. It was nice to not have to hide anything. It was nice to have someone to talk about Jens with, aside from Ralph, who only tried to give him advice about safe sex.

“Not exactly,” Lucas admitted, watching Kes’ eyebrows go up. “We’re just hanging out.”

“Ah,” Kes said thoughtfully. “Well, if you want my advice, I’d say lock it down. The guy was hot.”

“Hot?” Lucas repeated, disbelieving. He couldn’t believe his ears even as Kes shrugged.

“I’m allowed to say that, right?”

Laughing, Lucas shook his head. “I have no idea.”

It wasn’t really important, he thought, as Kes grinned and popped a fry in his mouth. The only thing that mattered was that Kes knew and he didn’t care. He didn’t care at all.


	10. Chapter 10

Rubbing his eyes, Lucas squinted at the clock on the wall. Nearly one AM. All he wanted to do was go to sleep, but instead, he was curled up in the living room chair, watching his mom rearranging the furniture. He’d offered to help, but she had completely ignored him. That had been hours ago, when she was still on the kitchen, determined to throw out every dish that didn’t match.

Now, she’d moved onto the living room, fussing over the position of the couch, the angle of the TV, the pictures on the wall. He’d managed to stop her from taking a hammer to the wall a while ago to yank out nails and reposition every picture.

What he wouldn’t give to be curled up in his bed instead of making sure she didn’t run off to find paint or spackle or whatever she decided she needed in the moment.

At the moment, she was muttering to herself about feng shui and looking something up on her phone, so Lucas yawned and slumped down in the chair.

This was the easy part, he thought as he scrolled aimlessly through his Instagram. It was what happened after the high that was hard, picking up those pieces.

He hit Jens’ name on the contact list, smiling at the picture he’d added for him. It was Jens flipping off the camera, a smirk on his face as he did so. Lucas just kept thinking of last time he’d seen Jens, that night they’d spent together, the way Jens’ body had felt beneath his.

It was a completely different feeling than Lucas had ever had with anyone else. It might have just been because it was a guy, but he was pretty sure it had something to do with the fact that it was Jens.

Lifting the phone to his ear, he listened to it ring. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting—for the voicemail to pick up maybe, but Jens’ voice, groggy and confused answered instead.

“Hello?”

“Oh, shit,” Lucas said quickly. “I woke you up, didn’t I?”

“What time is it?” Jens asked, voice muffled, as though pressed to the pillow.

“A little after one,” Lucas said with a grimace. “Sorry.”

“No, no,” Jens said, sounding slightly more awake now. “It’s cool. What’s up?”

“Nothing,” Lucas admitted, watching his mom dragging the couch to the other side of the room.

Jens didn’t reply for a minute, and Lucas wondered if maybe he’d fallen back asleep. He hadn’t meant to start a conversation when Jens had clearly been asleep. He’d meant to listen to Jens’ voicemail, hear his voice just once, and then hang up and pretend it was a butt dial if Jens ever asked.

“What are you doing up?” Jens asked finally, and Lucas heard him yawn on the other end.

Tucking his knees against his chest, Lucas frowned as his mom disappeared towards the back closet. “I haven’t slept in a couple days,” he said slowly, craning to see where she’d gone. “My mom’s…” He stopped himself, relaxing slightly as she came back with a pile of blankets and began trying them out on the couch. She seemed to reject one after the other.

“Is she okay?” Jens asked, and Lucas sighed. Okay was a relative term.

“Yeah, she’s okay,” he said as she rejected the last of the blankets.

“We need something blue,” she announced with a huff. “To create a sense of calm.”

Lucas covered the speaker on the phone. “Just take the blanket off my bed,” he said, hoping she wouldn’t decide she needed to go to the store. Not that any store was open right now. She vanished down the hall. Lucas lifted the phone back. “Sorry, it’s crazy here. She gets like this sometimes. She’s bipolar.”

“Oh,” Jens said, not sounding too surprised, like maybe he even knew what that was. “So’s Robbe’s boyfriend.”

“Yeah?” Lucas asked, blinking at the ceiling, trying to stay awake. “How does he handle it?”

“I think they just take it one minute at a time,” Jens said simply. “It must be hard, with your mom.”

Lucas paused as his mom returned with the blanket from his bed, smoothing it out over the back of the couch and looking satisfied.

“Sometimes,” he admitted. “But I’d rather have her like this than not have her at all.” Shifting in the chair, he sighed. “So you’ll never guess what happened?”

“You have finally admitted that action movies have redeeming qualities.”

Lucas smiled. “No. I told Kes.”

“Kes?” Jens replied after a second. “Who’s that and what did you tell them?”

Lucas could hear his mom rummaging around in the kitchen again, and he lowered his voice. “Kes is my best friend, and I told him about you.”

“What did he say?” Jens asked slowly.

“He said I should lock it down,” Lucas said with a laugh. “That you were hot.”

He heard Jens’ exhale, caught between amused and something else Lucas couldn’t place. He still hadn’t talked to Jayden, but Kes had told him Jayden was just pissed that Lucas had kept it a secret for so long. He supposed that was something he still had to do, but it was a huge relief to know that Kes was still on his side.

Jens didn’t reply, though, and Lucas paused, listening to the silence on the other end of the phone.

“Jens? You still there?”

“Yeah,” Jens said after a minute, and Lucas couldn’t help frowning.

“I was thinking maybe we could hang out this weekend. You could come here or maybe we could meet in the middle somewhere.”

Jens hesitated a second. “There’s actually a party this weekend. My ex-girlfriend is throwing it, so I don’t know if it’d be a good idea.”

“Oh,” Lucas said, slightly surprised. “Okay.”

“We’re friends. I just don’t want her to think I’m, like, flaunting anything, you know?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Lucas said quickly, confused, but something deep in his chest curled into a ball at Jens’ words. Hadn’t Jens said he’d kissed his first guy at a party? Surely his ex had been there for that? Surely she knew?

Had he done something wrong? Was Jens really the type of guy to sleep with someone then never call? Lucas hadn’t even considered that.

He’d kind of thought they were moving forward. Not as boyfriends but as something. Maybe that wasn’t what Jens wanted. Maybe Lucas was reading things all wrong.

“I want to see you,” Jens said, sounding like he was frowning. “I just don’t think it’s a good place to introduce you.”

“Introduce me,” Lucas repeated slowly. What did that mean? Introduce him as what? Hadn’t Jens said he would take him to a party at some point? He’d definitely offered.

“You know what I mean.”

Lucas didn’t. He didn’t like the feeling growing in his stomach, confusion and doubt. Jens didn’t want him to go to parties with his friends.

“I should go,” Lucas said when Jens didn’t say anything else. He couldn’t shake the sinking feeling, the nagging thought that he’d done something wrong. “Sorry again for waking you.”

“Luc,” Jens said before Lucas hung up the phone, and Lucas heard him sigh. “Get some sleep.”

Lucas listened to the click on the other end, lowering the phone slowly. He didn’t know what that meant, what any of it meant. Had that been Jens trying to break things off? Or had he really not wanted to hurt his ex by inviting a guy to a party?

His stomach sunk as he sat there, listening to his mom pulling open drawers in the kitchen. Maybe he’d just been fooling himself thinking there was something more with Jens. He should have just accepted it for what it was—hooking up with a hot guy. Feelings only caused problems.

That thought didn’t pacify him, though, as he dragged himself out of the chair finally. It still managed to hurt as he headed for the kitchen to make sure his mom was okay, even if it shouldn’t have.

Leaning in the doorway, Lucas sighed. The elation at finally telling Kes had worn off by now, tempered by Jens’ lukewarm reception of the news. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do, so he did nothing, watching his mom flip through recipe books at warp speed instead.


	11. Chapter 11

Jens wasn’t dating Lucas. That was what he told himself firmly as he let his eyes wander after a girl in a tight skirt pressing past him on the stairs. Lucas wasn’t even there, at the party where the music reverberated around his ribcage, where everyone had had one too many, the air thick with smoke and the scent of sweat.

Lucas wasn’t there because Jens had pointedly not invited him the other day when Lucas had asked about the weekend. He’d heard Lucas’ confusion, his careful acceptance of Jens’ bullshit reasoning why he shouldn’t come to the party.

Because of Jana, he’d said, holding his beer up so it wouldn’t get spilled by the couple running past him on the stairs. He jumped the last few steps to the landing, swaying slightly, a hand against the wall to steady him. Because Jana was his ex-girlfriend and it was her house stuffed to the gills with people, and he was being considerate of her feelings.

But Jana didn’t care. Jana was making out with Max currently, all legs and arms tangled together on the couch.

It had been a moment of unexpected hesitation, when Lucas had asked, his brain still trying to comprehend that Lucas had actually come out to his friends, told his friend about Jens and what they were doing. What were they doing? That was the question his brain had asked when Lucas had said it.

A relationship was the only thing that had come to mind, a real, strings-attached, feelings involved, responsibilities included, relationship. That was where this was going, this thing with Lucas.

It had been panic that made him say it, come up with the excuse of Jana and the party. He still wasn’t sure why he’d said it.

Because they weren’t together, he reminded himself as he weaved through the crowd, searching out Robbe and Sander. He could go to parties on his own and hook up with other people. So what if he couldn’t stop thinking about Lucas sitting at home right now, probably wondering what the hell Jens was doing? That wasn’t his problem.

“No Lucas this weekend?” Sander asked as Jens found them in the kitchen, his hand around Robbe’s waist, anchored in his shirt, and Jens pulled his eyes away. He shouldn’t have been thinking about Lucas and his adorable pink sweatshirt, how he had pulled it off Lucas last weekend and gotten his hands on Lucas’ smooth chest.

Jens shrugged, reaching for another beer. “We’re not attached at the hip. I’m a free man.”

Jens didn’t look over to see Robbe’s frown, the one he knew was there. It wasn’t a lie.

“Speaking of being free,” he went on as he caught sight of a senior girl beyond the door. “I’ll catch you guys later.”

He left before Robbe could try to ask what the hell he was doing. Not that Robbe ever would. But Jens didn’t want to explain, explain this sudden desperation to prove that he and Lucas weren’t together. They weren’t.

“Hey, Edda,” he greeted the girl as she reached the stairs, stepping up to her and putting on his best, most charming smile. “How’s it going?”

“It’s going fine,” she replied, eyes sliding down him, and Jens knew he could land this. He didn’t need to think about Lucas, the way he’d said, “Okay,” as if he knew Jens was lying about why he didn’t want him to come to the party. Ignoring the sudden clench in his chest, he leaned up against the wall, a hand by Edda’s head, close enough to reach for her long hair if he wanted.

“Can I get you a drink?”

Edda seemed to smile, but it was almost knowing. “Aren’t you gay now?”

Blinking, Jens laughed. “I like guys, I like girls. I’d like to take you upstairs.”

Biting her lip, Edda didn’t reply for a moment, tilting her head to the side. It wasn’t a good sign. In the end, she laughed, patting his cheek gently, as though he was a friendly dog. “Try again once you make up your mind.”

Staring after her, Jens didn’t have the words. He had made up his mind. He liked guys and he liked girls. End of story. It wasn’t a matter of choosing.

Frowning, he turned back to the living room. There were plenty of people there, plenty of people drinking and dancing and laughing, but none of them had a cute little mole above their lip, none of them blushed when Jens smiled at them. None of them called him at one in the morning for no reason at all.

Shit.

“What are you doing?”

Jana’s voice broke through his thoughts as Jens stood there, clutching his drink, wishing it was vodka instead. Anything to erase the idea that he’d completely fucked up with Lucas and this whole party thing.

Jana’s lipstick was smeared, hair messy from Max’s hands in it, but Jens didn’t care about that. It had been years since he cared who she was making out with. But she was also the last person he’d cared about like this.

“Was I horrible boyfriend?” he asked, and Jana smiled, surprised. She smoothed back her hair, tossing it over her shoulder.

“Sometimes,” she admitted. “But there were lots of good times too.”

“What was I good at?” he asked because at the moment, it felt like he was ruining everything.

Jana leaned back against the wall as she sighed, thinking. “You always knew how to make me feel better.”

Jens remembered that. He also remembered all the fighting, the lying, the days he would go home not understanding anything. He didn’t want to go through that again. He was pretty sure, though, that if things didn’t move forward with Lucas, they would end instead.

It wasn’t that Lucas was pressuring anything, Jens admitted as he took a long gulp of his beer. Lucas never even brought it up, but Lucas was a sweet guy. Lucas probably wanted that, wanted someone to cuddle with during movies, someone to hold hands with and introduce as his boyfriend, someone better than Jens who was mostly good for hooking up and sharing weed.

Jana watched him for a moment. “I heard you were seeing somebody.”

“Seeing is probably the right word,” he muttered, but he flashed her a smile. “It’s nothing.”

She hesitated, reaching for his arm. “I know we fucked up our relationship pretty badly, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be better. If you ever want to talk about it, I’m here.”

Jens didn’t thank her as she left, returning to Max on the other side of the room. Was that it? Was he just scared of fucking everything up? If he was, he was too late.

Pulling out his phone, he brought up Lucas’ messages. It had been a couple days since either of them had sent anything.

_I get out early on Friday. I could come down._

It wasn’t his best text, probably too vague, but Jens hit send anyway. Maybe he had screwed everything up with Lucas before it had even begun. He couldn’t help but think that it wasn’t surprising given his track record, but maybe there was still time. Finishing his beer, he sighed and headed for the kitchen. Maybe there was still time.


	12. Chapter 12

“What are you doing this weekend?” Kes asked as they headed for the courtyard, choosing to take their break outside even though it was one of those bone-chillingly cold kind of days, the kind where the wind cut right through any jacket. But Lucas would rather be out there than inside where it felt like the walls were closing in.

His mom had finally shifted, from the high to the low. So even though he was back to sleeping, it wasn’t much of a break.

He just hoped it wouldn’t last too long, that she’d get back to her usual self soon enough.

At Kes’ question, he shrugged, thinking of Jens’ text on his phone.

“I don’t know,” he said as they reached the bench, hands shoved in their pockets, shoulders hunched against the wind.

“You’re not going to hook up with your boyfriend?” Kes asked, a slight smile to his face, teasing.

“He’s not my--” Lucas cut himself off as Jayden approached, looking just as cold, cheeks pink, shuffling up to them and huffing out a cloud of cold breath.

“Why the fuck are we outside?” he asked. “It’s freezing.”

Lucas didn’t reply, glancing at Kes instead. He still hadn’t talked to Jayden about the fight, not really. They’d kind of pretended it hadn’t happened--at least, Lucas hadn’t brought it up and Jayden hadn’t yelled at him again.

He knew that Jayden knew, but somehow, it felt as though, until Lucas actually said it, it was still not quite true.

Kes met his gaze with a careful smile, almost as if to say, _you really should tell him, man._

Sighing, Lucas turned back to Jayden, who was still waiting for an answer to his question. It was now or never. Just get it over with, all out in the open.

“I know you know,” he said finally, and Jayden frowned.

“Know what?”

Kes nodded encouragingly as Lucas glanced at him again, swallowing down the nerves. He just didn’t want this to be a big thing, to be a big deal. But Jayden was already angry with him.

“I know you saw me with Jens at the skate park,” he said, watching how Jayden’s gaze switched to Kes, as if confirming somehow.

“Jens,” he said slowly, tugging at his earring as though rolling over the name in his mouth.

Lucas took a breath. It was still hard, even knowing Kes had his back. He wondered if it would always be like this, every time he met someone new. He hoped not.

“I know you’re mad,” he said, shivering in the cold wind whipping through the courtyard. “And I get it if you don’t want to hang out anymore.”

“What the fuck,” Jayden interrupted, catching Lucas off-guard. He looked up to Jayden staring at him. “You think I’m mad cause you’re into dudes? I don’t care who you’re hooking up with. I was mad you were lying.”

Kes was laughing and Lucas didn’t know what to say. Had he been so off-base? It was Jens, he thought, distracting all his thoughts and making him stupid. Jens who didn’t even want to go to parties with him all of a sudden, but Jens who wanted to go out on Friday anyway.

Jayden clapped Lucas on the shoulder, giving him a shake. “I’m not mad. Just fucking tell me the truth next time, okay?”

Letting out a breath, Lucas almost smiled. That was a relief.

“So what’s the deal with this dude?” Jayden asked after a minute, and Kes glanced at Lucas expectantly.

It was one thing to tell the guys he was gay. It was another entirely to gossip about the guy he was… well, Lucas wasn’t sure what they were doing anymore.

He remembered all the times Kes had demanded his help figuring out Isa, and he supposed it wasn’t all that different.

“I haven’t talked to him in a couple days,” he admitted. If Jens wanted space, he was going to give it to him. Plenty of it. To go to as many parties as he wanted without Lucas, hook up with girls or guys, get drunk, smoke weed with his friends. He could have all that space.

“He too busy for you?” Jayden joked, but Lucas didn’t smile as he considered the question.

“Luc?” Kes asked when he didn’t reply.

Biting his lip, Lucas shrugged. “I thought everything was fine. It wasn’t serious or anything, but last week I told him that I finally came out, that I told you, Kes, and then he got weird. Said he couldn’t hang out on the weekend because of some party his ex was throwing and he didn’t think it was a good idea if I went. But then he sent a text that he wants to come here on Friday.”

Lucas didn’t understand why Jens would have suddenly changed his mind about him. It wasn’t as if he’d declared themselves boyfriends, bought commitment rings, shown up on Jens’ doorstep with a bouquet of flowers.

Kes exchanged a look with Jayden. “Maybe he really didn’t think it was a good idea. Some exes can be bad.”

Jayden crossed his arms. “Maybe he’s just a dick.”

“Jayden!” Kes reprimanded, but Jayden shrugged.

“It’s possible. He could be trying to dump him. Maybe it got too serious now that people know. Maybe he’s not as out as he seems.”

Frowning, Lucas hated the way his stomach curled into a ball at Jayden’s words, all things he had considered over the last few days.

“Give the guy the benefit of the doubt,” Kes said. “It’s not like you slept with him and then he ghosted you.”

Lucas bit his lip as Kes watched him, eyebrows going up.

“Shit. He is a dick.”

Lucas wasn’t sure he could argue, and he certainly didn’t want to talk about sex with Jens, even if it had been amazing. “I just don’t get it. Why would he text about Friday then?” He wished this wasn’t all so confusing, new territory he’d never had to traverse before.

“Maybe you’re a side-piece,” Jayden said, and Lucas wondered if Jayden had ever been helpful in his life.

“I don’t think that’s it.” Hadn’t Jens offered to go to a party with him? That second time they’d met up, in Amsterdam. Jens had said, anytime Lucas wanted, he’d go to a party with him. Maybe it had just been an act, though, to get Lucas to trust him.

Lucas felt like an idiot as they stood in the courtyard, shivering and glancing up at the first icy drop of water on his cheek.

Kes nodded at Lucas after a minute. “What did you say about Friday?”

“Nothing.” Lucas had stared at the message for several hours last weekend, trying to think of what to say, but nothing had come to mind.

“Left him on read. Nice,” Jayden said, but Kes shook his head.

“If he’s trying to ghost you, he’s not doing a good job. You need to tell him to cut it out.”

“Just tell him to stop?” Lucas asked, skeptical. But then it would be over, whatever this was with Jens.

“You can’t let him jerk you around,” Kes said simply, and though Lucas sighed, he knew he was right. He had enough stress in his life without Jens changing his mind every other day.

Pulling out his phone, Lucas hesitated, staring at Jens’ last message. Maybe he’d been expecting too much from the first guy he actually got to kiss. He didn’t need flowers or candy or romantic messages. He just wanted someone who wanted to be with him. Was that too much to ask for?

“Do I just tell him to stop texting me?” Lucas asked, looking up from his phone at Jayden and Kes.

“You still like him, don’t you?” Kes asked instead, and Lucas paused before nodding. He didn’t want to tell Jens to stop texting him, but if it would solve this weird sad and angry feeling coiling in his chest, he would do it. “So you tell him you’re not interested in playing games. Either he’s all in or you walk.”

“An ultimatum?” Lucas frowned, quickly losing the feeling in his fingers as he clutched the phone. “Don’t those never work out?”

“You’re giving him a choice,” Kes pointed out. “If he wants to be with you, he will. If not, well, you’re probably better off. You deserve someone who wants to be with you, not just because you’re there or you’re good-looking or they have nothing better to do.”

Kes was right, as much as Lucas wished it could just be as simple as Jens being an idiot. Sighing, he swallowed down the nerves as he brought the screen to life, typing in his message with frozen fingers.

_I’m not interested in playing games. Either you want to go to parties with me or you don’t._

“Should I tell him to call when he’s decided?” he asked, and Kes read the message over his shoulder.

“No, just like that,” he said. “He’ll call when he realizes what an ass he’s been.”

“What if he doesn’t?” Jayden asked as Lucas hit the send button, exhaling a long breath and tucking the phone away in the warmth of his pocket. He almost didn’t want to know Jens’ response.

“Most people are smarter than you,” Kes said, laughing at Jayden’s indignant squawk. Lucas forced himself to smile, clutching the phone in his pocket. He had to trust that Kes was right, he told himself, not really listening to Jayden arguing his intelligence. He had to trust that at least, whatever Jens said, he’d have an answer.


	13. Chapter 13

“You’ve got to stop,” Kes said as he skated up to Lucas, kicking his board into his hand and plopping down on the side of the ramp next to Lucas.

“Stop what?”

Kes gave him a look and Lucas could only sigh, clicking out of his text messages. There was nothing there. No response from Jens even though it had been two days since Lucas had sent his last message, told Jens to choose.

“He still hasn’t responded?” Kes asked, nudging Lucas’ foot with his own.

Shaking his head, Lucas tucked the phone away with a sigh. “Guess that means he chose.”

He didn’t know what he’d expected. After all, what he and Jens had been doing was mostly making out, sharing joints, a one-time blow job that Lucas had thought had been pretty amazing. Apparently not amazing enough. He shouldn’t have expected that to be enough for Jens to actually want to be with him.

“Well, he chose wrong,” Kes said simply, reassuring, but it didn’t make Lucas feel any better.

Looking away from Kes, Lucas pushed a hand through his hair, raking his curls in front of his eyes. He didn’t really want to talk about Jens or how stupid he felt for thinking they might have had something real.

“I should get going,” he said when neither he nor Kes continued the conversation. “Make sure my mom’s okay.”

Kes watched Lucas climb up from the edge of the ramp, dusting off his jeans and zipping up his jacket. “We should do something tomorrow, just you and me.”

Lucas smiled slightly at Kes’ offer. A few months ago, it would have been the only thing he wanted to do. But now, the idea of wallowing at home all day by himself was equally desirable.

“I’ll text you,” he said instead of agreeing, and Kes nodded slowly.

“You’ll find somebody great,” he said, and Lucas didn’t scoff despite how stupid it sounded. As if he would ever find anyone. Jens had been a fluke, a chance meeting at a cafe with Ralph there, bold enough to shove Lucas into oncoming traffic. It wouldn’t happen again.

Lucas left the skate park, taking the long way home, frowning as he passed by the cafe. He purposefully avoided looking inside, shuffling faster towards home.

“Luc!”

Lucas was turning the corner onto his street when a voice behind him stopped him. His heart nearly stopped when he turned to see Jens heading towards him. He had his hoodie pulled up over his head, hands stuffed deep in the pockets of his jacket, a backpack on as if he’d come straight from school.

Staring, Lucas opened his mouth but he couldn’t find the words between all the thoughts jumbling around his head. What was Jens doing here? He hadn’t even bothered to respond to Lucas’ text from days ago. And now he was stepping up to Lucas on his grey street, eyes darting down him as if to make sure it was really him.

“Hey,” Jens said finally as Lucas just stared at him. He actually sounded a little out of breath, as if he’d been hurrying to catch him.

“What,” Lucas managed to get out, shaking his head. “What are you doing here?”

Jens jerked his shoulders, scrunching them up in the cold, and that wasn’t an answer. Not for Lucas, who had been staring at his unanswered message for two days.

“I fucked up,” Jens said, and it wasn’t the answer Lucas was expecting. Blinking, he frowned up at Jens, the way the chill breeze blew his hair in his eyes, but Lucas didn’t suggest they go inside, walk the few feet down the block to his house.

“You fucked up,” he repeated slowly, biting his bottom lip as he tried to work out what that meant exactly.

It was only the second time Jens seemed something other than confident. In fact, he seemed nervous as he pressed his fists into his pockets, sweatshirt straining against the pressure.

“I thought that I didn’t want a relationship,” he said after a minute, cheeks red, but that might have been from the wind. “My last one, well, I kind of fucked that up too.”

Lucas shook his head. “When did I ever say I wanted that?”

“You didn’t,” Jens admitted, lifting his gaze to Lucas. Lucas wanted to be mad. He wanted to be angry that Jens had ditched him with a shitty excuse, gone hot and cold on him all at the same time. But Jens standing in front of him, shoulders hunched, looking guilty and regretful, it made it hard to stay mad. “I got stuck in my own head. When you said you’d come out, that your friend told you to ‘lock it down,’ I panicked.”

“You panicked?” Lucas repeated, surprised. The Jens he knew was cool and suave and didn’t panic over things like relationships. Maybe he didn’t know as much as he thought.

“Robbe kept asking about what we were doing, and I didn’t know. And last time, I lied, and she cheated, and it was a mess. I was afraid it would be the same.” Jens looked away, over to one of the neighbor’s houses. The lights were off, nobody home, and Lucas watched Jens instead. “I thought if I could prove that I didn’t care about you, things would be fine.”

“That’s nice.” Lucas scowled, but Jens seemed to realize he’d said the wrong thing as his eyes went wide.

“But I was wrong,” he said quickly. “I went to that stupid party without you, and all I kept wishing was that you were there.”

For a long moment, Lucas didn’t speak. It was getting bone-chillingly cold as evening fell, but he didn’t invite Jens in. Not yet.

“Coming out was hard,” he said finally, meeting Jens’ gaze, the uncertainty in his face. “But I wanted to tell my friends about me, about you. And then you turned around and acted like we weren’t anything.”

Jens grimaced. “I know. I’m sorry.”

Lucas hesitated, glancing over his shoulder at his house. His mom was probably inside, wrapped up in her covers, unable to move. He had to go check on her, try to get her to take her medication. He couldn’t stand here all night in the cold.

“I don’t have time to deal with relationship drama,” he said finally even though his heart throbbed as he said it. “With my mom and everything, I can’t deal with it.”

“You said, either we’re doing this or we’re not,” Jens said, reaching for Lucas before he could turn away, before he could go through with it even though he really didn’t want to. He really didn’t want to walk away from Jens, the only guy he’d ever felt anything like this for before. “I want to do it.”

“You don’t even know what it is,” Lucas said, shaking his head, watching Jens and wondering why everything had to be so complicated. Couldn’t they have just gone on doing what they were doing? Would they have eventually stopped? Or would they have eventually become real boyfriends without all this drama? Lucas didn’t have an answer.

“Neither do you,” Jens pointed out, stepping closer to Lucas. Lucas could feel the warmth of his body, and he closed his eyes for a second. It would be so easy to just give in, to Jens’ slight smile, the way he smoothed his fingers down Lucas’ arm, anchoring in his jacket sleeve as though he wasn’t going to let Lucas walk away. “We could fuck it up together.”

Lucas could hear the smile, the hope in Jens’ voice. He wanted to frown, to shove Jens’ hand away and tell him he was being stupid. Maybe he was being stupid. Maybe this was a bad idea in the first place. But Lucas did none of those things. Instead, he felt a ripple of hope in his stomach, rising into his chest as he gazed up at Jens, the sincerity in his gaze.

“Why didn’t you just text me back?” he asked after a minute, and Jens seemed to let out a breath, as though Lucas’ words were enough to reassure him.

“It seemed like more of an in-person thing,” he said, smiling finally. “That and if I’d done it over text, I wouldn’t be able to do this.”

He leaned in slowly, cold hands coming up to Lucas’ jaw as he kissed him. It was like being transported somewhere else, to a place where Lucas didn’t have to think about his mom or the past couple days of anxiety twisting his stomach every time his phone vibrated with a notification.

He licked his lips slowly as Jens moved back, still close enough that Lucas didn’t open his eyes right away.

“I have to go check on my mom,” he said finally, hearing Jens’ exhale, almost defeated.

Opening his eyes, Lucas moved back, watching Jens chewing on his tongue as if trying to think if there was anything else he could say to change Lucas’ mind.

It might have been a mistake, Lucas thought as he pulled his hand from his pocket. It might have been, but he was willing to take that chance.

“Come on,” he said, holding out his hand to Jens, who stared at it for a second before his eyes flicked to Lucas’ face, checking if he was serious. “It’s cold.”

Jens’ fingers wrapped around his and Lucas turned, leading the way down the street towards his house. As the door closed behind them, Lucas caught Jens’ gaze, the smile there. Inside, Lucas pulled off his jacket and waited for Jens to do the same, eyes gliding down Jens’ chest. As he met Jens’ gaze finally, he had only one thought: this time was going to be different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is technically the end, but there are 3 more codas coming that will be posted after this! So stay tuned. Hope you enjoyed.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coda #1 of 3.

“How’s your mom?”

The bedroom door squeaked behind Lucas as he closed it gently, turning to where Jens had perched himself on the edge of Lucas’ bed. It was strange to see him there, surrounded by all of Lucas’ things. His textbooks and scattered clothes he hadn’t bothered to pick up lately and an old photo of him and Kes sitting on the desk by the wall.

“She’s asleep,” he said, lingering by the door. It all felt different now, with Jens watching him, a soft smile at his lips. “I left her some food so hopefully she’ll eat something when she wakes up.”

“Is it like this a lot?”

Lucas shrugged. “Couple times a year.” Moving over to the bed, he sat down finally, next to Jens. “She’s usually fine in a couple days.”

Jens’ hand moved to Lucas’ thigh, sliding along his inseam, and Lucas glanced at it, the burning warmth through his jeans. They were really doing this, he thought. Jens had said it. This was the start of something totally new.

“How did you know where I lived?” Lucas asked as they sat there, his face too close to Jens’, eyes flicking to Jens’ lips instead. He supposed he should be asking some of these questions, how this was going to work, if this meant Jens was going to invite him to every party, even the ones his ex threw. He should be asking them, but with Jens’ hand hot against his thigh, he kind of thought there’d be plenty of time to figure all that out later.

Jens hesitated, smiling slightly, as though embarrassed. Lucas had definitely never seen Jens like this, as though hesitant to admit how he’d known.

“I didn’t,” he said finally. “I went to the cafe. I was going to call you, but then I saw you walk by the window.”

“So you followed me,” Lucas finished, only slightly surprised that Jens would go that far just to talk to him.

“I prefer to think of it as being romantic and not creepy,” Jens said with a laugh.

“I like it better that way too,” Lucas admitted, leaning into Jens for an easy kiss that made his heart flutter. He couldn’t help smiling as Jens’ hand came up to his jaw, opening his mouth to deepen the kiss as they fell back, awkward onto the mattress. He heard Jens’ laugh, and everything seemed to relax.

Jens shifted first, letting Lucas pull his legs onto the mattress, straddling Lucas instead as they kissed, slow and lazy. Jens’ body was heavy and warm on top of him, a pressure on his chest that Lucas liked. It felt safe somehow, like Jens wasn’t going anywhere.

“When do you have to get back?” Lucas murmured against Jens’ mouth, lips tingling, not quite willing to move away, more interested in kissing Jens and feeling the warmth spreading through his body.

Jens’ hand slid to Lucas’ hair, fingers buried in the curls as he pulled his lips away to mouth along Lucas’ jaw instead. It was with a contented sigh that Lucas tilted his chin back, mouth falling open at the feeling of Jens’ tongue on his skin.

“I told my mom I was staying at Robbe’s,” he said finally, pressing a kiss under Lucas’ ear.

“So do you have to go to Robbe’s?” Lucas asked, pulling Jens’ mouth back to his, tugging on his bottom lip. He didn’t know where he was going with this, just that he didn’t want Jens to leave, not yet.

It had been two weeks. Two weeks since Lucas had seen him last, since the last time Jens had kissed him, had looked at him like he was right now. But it was different now, a sort of warm glow in his gaze as though he’d be content to stay there forever. It made Lucas smile, anchoring his hands in Jens’ hoodie he still had on. It was getting hot with Jens on top of him.

“Not if you don’t want me to,” Jens said, thumb brushing over the warmth on Lucas’ cheek. He had a smirk on his face as though he knew the answer before Lucas even said it.

“Asshole,” Lucas said, but he pulled Jens closer, rolling them onto their sides. Jens’ leg slid between his, tangling on top of the sheets.

Jens merely laughed, sweeping Lucas’ curls from his face. “The last train leaves at 21:30. I could still catch it.”

He started to roll away, but Lucas tightened his grip on his sweatshirt, dragging him back, kissing the smile off Jens’ face. He felt Jens’ smile fade as the kiss deepened, becoming more serious somehow, tongues sliding together.

Lucas sighed as Jens’ hand moved down to his side, grazing under his shirt, skirting along his lower back, and he shivered.

A few days ago, he hadn’t imagined they would be there, holed up in his room, lips tingling from deep kisses, a flush along the back of his neck as Jens’ fingers traced his spine. A few days ago, he was pretty sure he was never going to hear from Jens again.

“You can stay here,” he said finally, pulling back to watch Jens’ eyes, the way they softened as he smiled.

“Your mom won’t mind?”

“She probably won’t even notice.” Lucas shook his head. The chances of her leaving her room tomorrow weren’t high, and Lucas could always just say Jens was a friend from school. He hadn’t really thought about how he was going to tell her, if he should. It hadn’t been a good time lately, but maybe once she was back to her usual self. Maybe then he’d tell her.

“Do you think she’ll care?” Jens asked after a minute, head on the pillow next to Lucas. His fingers were still tangled in Lucas’ hair, brushing it back gently, and Lucas let his eyes close for a second at the soft touch. No one had ever done that before. No one else had ever laid this close, noses almost touching. It was all new, the feeling blossoming in Lucas’ chest as he realized that Jens cared about his answer, wasn’t just asking to ask.

“She’ll like you,” was all he said, and Jens smiled slightly.

“Everyone does.”

Shaking his head, Lucas bit back his grin. “So confident. I’m not sure my friends will agree.”

Jens frowned at Lucas’ words. “What do you mean?”

Pausing, Lucas wondered if he should even bother to say it. After all, it had worked out. Jens had come here, apologized, now had his palm pressed to the small of Lucas’ back, making his whole body hot.

“You did ditch me for an ex’s party,” he said at length, watching realization come into Jens’ eyes.

“You told them?”

Lucas shrugged, watching Jens closely. Jens sighed, scooting closer, hand tight on Lucas’ back.

“Maybe we can go to a party together,” he said instead, tracing over the mole on Lucas’ jaw. “I did offer once and you turned me down.”

“I wasn’t ready then,” Lucas admitted, but he leaned into Jens’ touch.

“What about now?” Jens shifted closer until their chests were pressed together and Lucas swore he could feel Jens’ heartbeat against his own.

Smiling, Lucas met Jens’ mouth for a slow kiss, warm and soft and stirring something deep inside as Jens’ hand fell to the back of his neck, holding him there. He didn’t want to go to any parties, didn’t want to leave this room ever again, but he did sigh when Jens broke the kiss.

“Right now, I’d rather stay here.”

Jens grinned, pulling Lucas on top of him, so he was straddling his waist, and he licked his lips as his gaze traveled down his chest. Lucas paused, watching him. He wondered if Jens liked this position. That was something they’d have to explore later.

“I knew you were a romantic,” Jens said simply, hands on Lucas’ hips, edging under his shirt.

“What gave it away?” he asked, running his hands up Jens’ chest, smiling at the way Jens’ eyes followed the movement.

Jens glanced around the room obviously, the poster of Donnie Darko, Eternal Sunshine, photos of his friends tacked up on the walls, an old valentine Isa had given him last year. “The movies, your love of cake, that we were about to have a reunion in the rain until you took pity on me and let me inside.”

“Liking cake has nothing to do with any of that,” Lucas pointed out, but he still smiled as Jens tugged him down, into a kiss that made Lucas melt. Fuck, he never wanted this to end, to go back to the real world. It didn’t even have to end now. Tomorrow, maybe he and Jens would hang out with Kes or go to a party or spend the whole day lounging around in bed. It didn’t really matter because Jens would still be here, with him.

And when Jens went back to Antwerp, he wouldn’t be chatting up random guys or hitting on hot girls at parties. Maybe Lucas would even be there with him, dragging him into empty rooms in stranger’s houses. He smiled at the thought when Jens broke away to press kisses down his jaw.

“What are you smiling at?” Jens asked after a second, hands reaching for Lucas’ neck, pushing into his hair.

“Nothing,” Lucas replied, brushing Jens’ hair from his forehead and smiling down at him. “What are you smiling at?”

Jens’ smile widened after a second, licking his lips and tugging Lucas back down until their noses brushed together and Lucas tilted his head to the side as their lips almost touched, teasing.

“Nothing.”

Jens kissed Lucas before he could say anything else, lingering against his lips, pulling Lucas closer, and Lucas couldn’t help thinking how glad he was that Ralph had practically shoved him out of his chair that day in the cafe, that he’d gone to that club in Amsterdam to meet Jens. Mostly, he was just glad that Jens was here, wrapped up in his bed with no plans to leave any time soon. That was about all that Lucas could ask for, and it was about all that he wanted.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coda #2. Goes between chapter 1 and 2.

It was after the Christmas party when Jens finally said what he’d been thinking for weeks, between telling Robbe how nice it was to see him happy with Sander and pointing out how shitty some of the gifts had been. Somehow, he slipped in that Robbe had made him think, made him consider the possibility of liking guys.

Jens had always liked girls—that was a fact. But there was something interesting about men, something that made Jens think he could like both. Soft curves and sharp angles. And instead of or.

To his credit, Robbe had taken it in stride, almost looking a little proud of himself as if he’d had anything to do with it. Maybe he had, Jens admitted. A little. Robbe was finally happy with himself, with Sander, no longer hiding part of who he was.

It was the New Year’s Eve party a few weeks later when everyone else had found out. Jens had a little too much to drink, and the cute guy who came up to him had seemed like the perfect opportunity.

Jens didn’t remember too much of that first kiss with a guy. He barely remembered the guy—hadn’t seen him again afterward anyway. But that was how Jens preferred it. It wasn’t as if he was going to jump into a relationship with a guy just because they’d made out once. He had plenty of time to kiss as many people as he wanted.

And he had. Kissed plenty of people since then. Guys, girls, people whose names he didn’t know or remember. Sander teased him about being ‘on a roll’ and Robbe always looked away when Jens protested that he was just testing the waters, spreading his wings, having some fun.

Last weekend, though, they’d somehow ended up in Utrecht of all places, bored on the weekend, no parties to speak of. While Sander and Robbe had been busy making googly eyes at each other, Jens’ gaze had settled on a subtly gorgeous guy with dirty blond hair and blue eyes across the cafe.

It had been a week since he and Lucas had smoked a joint in the park, since Lucas had leaned in and kissed him first, almost nervous, like maybe he hadn’t done it before, like maybe he wasn’t sure.

Jens wasn’t supposed to still be thinking about Lucas, the way he blushed every time Jens smiled at him, how the redness of his cheeks just made his eyes bluer, how cute Lucas had been standing awkwardly in front of the pastry case, waiting for him to speak.

He shouldn’t have still been thinking about it a week later, but he was as he sat on the bench outside the school, feeble sunlight attempting to push through the clouds. Robbe and Aaron were talking about something—Jens wasn’t really listening although he should have been.

“What are we doing this weekend?” Aaron asked, interrupting Jens’ thoughts.

“Sander was talking about going to a gay club,” Robbe said, and Jens smiled as he thought that Robbe would never have said anything like that even just a few months ago.

“Where? Here?” Aaron asked, confused. “Are there gay clubs here?”

“Of course there are gay clubs here,” Jens said, and Robbe didn’t look surprised at Aaron’s question.

“There’s a Bowie cover band concert in Amsterdam. Sander wants to go to a club after.”

Jens perked up at the word. Amsterdam, as in Holland, as in, close to Utrecht where a certain blue-eyed boy with a jawline to cut glass lived.

“I’ll go,” he said, not missing the way Robbe’s gaze switched to him.

“Because it makes sense to take the train all the way to Amsterdam to go to a club when there are clubs here,” Robbe said, and Jens shrugged.

Jens hadn’t really told Sander and Robbe where he’d gone last weekend, just that he’d met a guy and they’d smoked a joint. He’d left out the kissing part, the part where he’d immediately found Lucas’ Instagram and scrolled through all his aesthetic flower-child pictures.

“I gotta get to class,” Aaron said, shouldering his bag, clearly not interested in what Robbe was really saying.

Robbe didn’t follow Aaron, watching Jens. “It doesn’t have anything to do with you ditching us at the cafe last weekend?”

“What?” Jens asked, while he tried to formulate his answer so Robbe wouldn’t accuse him of actually having feelings for Lucas. He didn’t. Lucas was just a hot guy he’d made out with once, and maybe they could do it again.

“That guy you smoked with,” Robbe went on, as though he knew perfectly well it had been more than smoking. Maybe Jens didn’t give him enough credit. “You haven’t ever seen a guy more than once.”

Jens smiled slightly at Robbe’s implication. “It’s nothing,” he assured him, clapping Robbe on the shoulder. “Lucas is just a guy.”

“So he has a name,” Robbe said, and Jens rolled his eyes. He knew what Robbe was trying to do, weasel information out of him, convinced everyone should be as happy as him and Sander.

Jens was pretty sure Lucas wasn’t just a guy, not in the same way other people were. Robbe was right. Jens had never wanted to see a boy twice. Most of his hookups had been one-time things, making out at parties, getting a little too drunk for anything other than messy hand jobs in dark bedrooms. There was something about Lucas, though, that made Jens want to text him, want to go to Amsterdam on the off-chance Lucas might come.

“It is a crime to like someone?” he asked finally, and he knew he’d said the wrong thing as Robbe’s eyes widened.

“Like?”

“Want to make out with,” Jens corrected himself quickly. He barely knew Lucas, and he was definitely not looking for anything serious. It didn’t have to be complicated or some epic love story. It could just be kissing in a park or a club or wherever. Lucas was the first guy he’d wanted to see again. Maybe that meant more than he thought, but he didn’t want to think about it, especially not with the way Robbe was smiling at him, like maybe he was going to tease him about this forever.

“No, it’s not a crime,” Robbe said instead. “I’ll tell Sander you’re in for Amsterdam.”

“Okay,” Jens said, but he frowned anyway. It felt weird talking about Lucas with Robbe, as though it meant more than it was. He shouldn’t have been afraid to say he wanted to see Lucas again. He did. He liked Lucas. It wasn’t hard to admit.

As Robbe pulled out his phone to text Sander, Jens pulled his out too, opening up the DMs with Lucas on Instagram.

He didn’t hesitate as he typed in his message and hit send.

_The boys want to go to a concert in Amsterdam this weekend._


	16. Chapter 16

Lucas couldn’t help feeling nervous as he stopped in front of the house, music bleeding into the street already.

“You’re not scared, are you?” Jens asked, voice in his ear, and Lucas glanced over his shoulder. Jens was smiling in that way that usually made Lucas less nervous, as though Jens knew everything was going to be okay. But it didn’t this time.

This was a big deal, Lucas thought as Jens wrapped his arms around his waist, chin hooking over his shoulder as they faced the house in front of them. All his friends were in there. If he went in there, it would be like announcing his sexuality to everyone. Jens had already met Kes, been subjected to his questioning, so at least that was over with. But still, it was a big step.

“We’re just going to have to get really drunk,” Lucas said with a sigh, taking Jens by the wrist and tugging him forward.

“I’d prefer you sober,” Jens said, but he followed Lucas up the stairs, past the doorway, over the threshold.

Lucas wanted to do this, he reminded himself as he glanced back at Jens. He wanted to go to parties with his boyfriend.

Boyfriend. He smiled at the word. They hadn’t officially named it that, but he was pretty sure Jens showing up on his doorstep that day made it official. Things had been going really well since they’d finally talked. When Lucas had asked if Jens wanted to come to Utrecht for a party this weekend, Jens hadn’t even hesitated to say yes.

“Luc!” Kes was the first one to spot them, waving over the crowd.

Lucas still had hold of Jens’ wrist and he changed course, heading for Kes.

“I’m not going to run away,” Jens murmured in his ear, untangling Lucas’ hand from his wrist and twining their fingers together instead. Lucas tried not to glance around, to check if anyone had noticed. That was why he was there.

Kes grinned as Lucas and Jens reached him. “Brought a plus one,” he said, sounding amused, greeting Jens with a fistbump as though they were best friends. Lucas supposed it was better than the alternative of Kes hating Jens for ditching him for an ex’s party.

“Had to drag him kicking and screaming,” Lucas joked, and Jens scoffed beside him.

“I love parties,” he assured Lucas and Kes. “Especially parties where there is free booze and hot guys to dance with.” He pressed a kiss to Lucas’ cheek, and Lucas felt his skin going bright red. Jens had just done that, at a party, surrounded by people Lucas knew. No putting the cat back in the bag now.

Kes was grinning at Lucas, looking sufficiently impressed by Jens. “I sent Jayden for some beers. Maybe he’ll make it back some day.”

As if on cue, Jayden showed up at Lucas’ elbow, several bottles clinking together.

“I don’t know whose house this is,” Jayden said, handing Kes a bottle, “but they’ve got top-shelf beer in the fridge.”

It wasn’t until Jayden twisted off the cap that he noticed Jens beside Lucas.

“Who’re you?”

“I’m Jens,” Jens said, and Jayden stopped, bottle halfway to his mouth. His eyebrows went up as his gaze slid to Lucas, questioning.

“Jens,” he repeated slowly. “As in Jens from Belgium? With the ex-girlfriend.”

Jayden knew. Lucas had told both him and Kes about what had happened with Jayden, but that didn’t stop Jayden from opening his big mouth.

“Pretty sure I’m the only one here,” Jens said, at least not taking it hard, smiling at Jayden.

“Well, fuck,” Jayden said, eyes falling to their hands twined together. “Okay! You want a beer? Luc’s a lightweight so I wouldn’t bother getting him one unless you want to carry him home.”

“Fuck you,” Lucas said, rolling his eyes as Jens glanced at him. “That’s not true.”

“I’m the one who carried you home last time,” Jayden pointed out, and Lucas scoffed.

“It was more than one drink,” he assured Jens, who just nodded, looking amused. “And I’ve had to drag your ass home more times than I can count.”

“They get like this when they don’t have enough beer,” Lucas heard Kes mutter to Jens.

“We can get our own drinks,” he said firmly. This was why Jens didn’t need to meet his friends. Some friends they were.

“I guess we’ll see you later,” Jens said as Lucas pulled him away.

In the kitchen, Lucas finally dropped Jens’ hand to dig in the fridge. Jayden had been right about the beer. Nothing cheap here.

“You know what I’d like?” Jens said as Lucas cracked open the top. He glanced up to Jens stepping closer, boxing him in against the counter. He’d never been this close to another guy in public, or well, a house filled with classmates. The kitchen was empty but for them for the moment, but that could change any time.

“A joint,” Lucas guessed, and Jens tipped his head in agreement.

“I’d like to get you out on the dance floor,” he said instead, fingers dragging up Lucas’ arm. He felt the goosebumps break out as he shivered, checking over Jens’ shoulder that no one was coming.

“You mean the space in the living room with too many people crowded in it?” he asked, eyes flicking from Jens’ lips to his eyes.

Jens nodded, a smile curving his mouth. He stole Lucas’ beer and took a swig before handing it back. “I believe I made you a promise.”

Jens’ fingers swept up his jaw, tilting his chin up, and Lucas licked his lips slowly. He hadn’t forgotten about that, but until now, he hadn’t been sure he wanted it. Wanted Jens, yes, but wanted to announce to everyone in Utrecht that he liked guys? That had taken a bit more time.

“It’s one I intend to keep,” Jens said after a second, stepping back from Lucas, letting him up from the counter. Lucas almost pulled him back, kissed him right there in the kitchen, but he didn’t.

Instead, he followed Jens into the living room, to the mass of people dancing. Lucas’ heart jumped as Jens pulled him in closer, sliding his arms over Lucas’ neck.

“It’s okay,” Jens murmured as they swayed to the beat, hot and heavy underneath his skin. “You don’t have to think about them.”

Them. Everyone. Letting out a breath, Lucas knew he shouldn’t care about what everyone else thought. He had Jens, Jens’ hands sliding down his shoulder blades, stopping at the small of his back, nudging him in closer. He had Jens smiling at him when he finally pulled his gaze from the people around them. He had his heartbeat thrumming in his throat as he moved with Jens.

Kes and Jayden already knew, Lucas reminded himself as he reached for Jens, let his hands slide to his waist. He would never have done this before, had the confidence to even get this close to a guy at a party, let alone dance with one. Kes and Jayden knew and they were the ones that really mattered. Everyone else was white noise.

He caught Jens watching him as the music changed—faster, louder, reverberating through his chest. He wondered if Jens was waiting, waiting on him.

Reaching up, Lucas pushed his hands into Jens’ hair, closing his eyes for just a second. There was no reason to be nervous. He wanted this. He wanted Jens.

Opening his eyes, he smiled at Jens for a second before rising on the balls of his feet to kiss Jens. It was like the world fell away when Jens kissed him back, only vaguely still moving with the music, more interested in the slide of Jens’ mouth against his, the way he could feel Jens’ smile before he pulled back.

“Not so bad, was it?” Jens asked, cheeky, as Lucas wrinkled his nose. He didn’t reply, though, twining his arms around Jens’ neck instead.

Sighing into his shoulder, he caught sight of Isa on the other side of the room. Her eyes were wide, but she smiled after a second, nodding at him before turning away.

It wasn’t so bad, he thought as Kes and Jayden shoved their way through the crowd to join them. It wasn’t so bad at all.


End file.
